Since childhood, my mind has been enthralled with the idea of achieving success at the peak of my adolescences. I would proudly one day wear the badge of being the youngest “something” to do “this, this & that.” I knew that I had talents of many trades that I would one day share with the world. I also knew that I had what it takes not only make in the world, but make it happen with constant smile on my face.
My measurements of confidence were so accurate, that essentially (and naively), I expected ALL of my milestones to be met with success if I followed my simple steps. The right pedigree, the correct verbiage, impeccable presentations and perfect timing the first time around would do the trick. So at the tender age of fourteen, I knew that with my faith in God and my eyes on the stars, high school and the life to come would be a breeze.
Yet, somewhere along the way I took a dosage of life’s antidote, and things got a little harder. I became more aware of my surroundings, faced challenges and lured myself into the darkness of my weaknesses. Furthermore, I invited the influence of the outside world to distract me. The open seas of sailing towards my success was now an obstructive view. I found it hard to trust myself, depend on others, and seek refuge in God.
My natural dialogue of positivity change its tone. I spoke defeat over my life; prematurely announcing failures and creating distress over my mind, body and soul. Finally, I found the cliff that I would run across to take my final plunge into the suicide of my dreams, goals and desires. I was experiencing my early to mid-twenties crisis.
Miraculously, God and reality caught grip of me. The words of my parents, mentors and loved ones that echoed through my darkness became louder and more profound (“Life is hard, but there’s nothing that God hasn’t already placed in your life that you cannot endure.”, “The Lord has already given you all of the instruments that you need to succeed. It’s time for you to put your faith into action.”, “People don’t plan to fail…they fail to plan.”).
It dawned on me that despite my talents, I’ve been unconsciously passive about putting in the appropriate effort towards being successful. This was a result of my unspoken internal fear of bearing the weight of my destiny. To distract myself, I made it more important to impress individuals who didn’t appreciate my efforts, while ignoring the Lord’s will. I didn’t take much care or concern for the fact that I do have support system that has always been truthful with me, and that meant being honest…even when it hurts the most. The hurt that I felt in my soul was called the truth.
As I quickly ran away from the cliff, I decided to take another route and evaluate my life over the past few years. I’ve learned to celebrate, appreciate and embrace where I am right now on this very day. I re-discovered how to smile again. Most importantly, I learned that my dreams belong to God’s vision for my life. It doesn’t matter when my seed ripens, because it will be on God’s time. Not my own.
Therefore, I realized that I have to re-condition my mind from the superficial milestones that I set for myself long ago. Instead, it was time to take a leap of faith, hold on tight to the Lord, and start my real journey towards becoming everything that I know God has envisioned for me. I felt that it would be good to remain silent while working on building myself up, but God told my spirit that I must continue to be vocal about what is to come so that I will be held accountable to towards my future and all who bear witness of my journey.
Even as I write these words, I am still in a state of rehab. No matter how many times I fall, I will find the strength to stand up and leap towards the next milestone insight. I am pleased that I will have chance to share my journey with you.
By: Ivuoma “Ivy” Okoro
@MsIvyLove on Twitter
This article was first published online (the author's blog) on Saturday, June 16th, 2012.
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