#SecretsFromMyPast: My First SEX-perience Part2

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This is the second part of ‘My First SEXperience’ story, if you missed the first part read it HERE. During all of the voracious kissing and conjunction that was going well, I was doing things I had never done before, touching things that had always been a dream in my mind and rubbing my lips on parts of her body I had always imagined. Truthfully, I was doing things; many things. She wasn’t the best kisser. Don't ask me how I know... Okay, I'll just say it! I know that because she wasn’t the first person I had kissed. She had always known me to be an amateur when it came to practical sex-related issues but the things I was doing made her doubt my innocence but I confessed to her that I knew things but I hadn’t had the opportunity to put them to practice; she was my perfect opportunity. I remember my lips working wonders on her lips, down to her neck, then back to her forehead. I was back to her forehead because I thought she was going to ask me to stop but I was wrong. She wanted more and I did too. My mouth began the journey the second time; every love and romance movie I had seen before was replaying on my mind at the time. Suddenly, I found my mouth on her nipples after merry-go-rounding through the well rounded but succulent boobs; I kissed it so gently that I heard her say, ‘bobo, you are bad’. I told her I was learning from her. After doing everything else and the only thing left to do was sex, I stopped. Why? Even I don’t know why. I’m sure something stopped me because I couldn’t have stopped. I told her we shouldn’t go all the way. She obliged because she knew I hadn’t done it before. I spent a few minutes with her after that before taking my leave and that was when the condemnation began. What have I done? I concluded that was the last time a thing like that would happen but I was wrong because it wasn’t the last time. One week after that, I received a call from her asking me where I was. ‘I am at the office’, I replied. She was around the corner and before I opened my eyes she was at my office. I was surprised to see her because she didn’t make it known that she was coming. She was hungry and I went out to get her what to eat. While eating, she asked if I would just sit there and allow her eat alone. Then I stood up to feed her with the food and drink. When she was done with the food and the plates had been cleared, I came back in to gist with her and she asked what was on my mind and the bad boy in me spoke out, ‘I want you now.’ She went to the door and locked it with a key. Came towards me and sat on my laps while she touched me seductively; I felt like tearing off all she had on but I managed to control myself but before I knew it we were on top of each other. Things began to happen but this time, she took control and in just a matter of seconds my trouser was wet – that was when it dawned on me that 'there is a difference between touching a woman and being touched by a woman'. I was ready to continue when she asked me the strangest question that killed all the sexual feelings inside. She said, ‘Bobo, I love you already but have you changed your mind about having me in your life now?’ What do I do now? How do I handle this situation? I need you to please advise me via the comment section below.   #SecretsFromMyPast is a new initiative from www.OLATUNJISPEAKS.com. You can send us your own #SecretsFromMyPast; we will publish your story however raw they may be and if you want to remain anonymous like the writer of today’s piece we will not publish your name or contact. #SecretsFromMyPast will come up on this blog EVERY FRIDAY. Send them to olatunjispeaks@gmail.com

Slow and steady wins the SEX race - Opeyemi Egbemode

It’s ridiculous how often you see articles titled “100 Sex Tips That Will Drive Him Wild.” Most are so dumb, you feel dumber for having read them. Think about it, it’s not really that hard to please a guy, is it?



Here’s what these so-called experts aren’t telling you: with adventurous sex that makes you seem like a seasoned pro, he will “hit it and quit it.” Why? Because the sex feels ‘ordinary’.



Let’s say, hypothetically, that you followed all 100 Sex Tips suggestions. You busted out with the edible lingerie, the bedroom acrobatics, the handcuffs on his legs and hands and you go on all fours with a sexy costume and barked like a dog. The million-dollar question is: why doesn’t it lead to long-term?



Obviously, his objective at first is to jump into bed, your objective is to preserve the possibility of long term and take the long view. And that means there is no need to ride all the rides at Disneyland on your very first visit to the park.



Since no guy hands the playbook over to a woman he’s trying to seduce, I decided to fly below radar and find out the scandalous tricks men use to heat things up.



His Playbook: His first objective is to get past your front door. At the end of the night, he may ask, “Can I use your bathroom?”

Your Playbook: Let him. Then wait with your jacket and shoes on. Don’t even take off one layer of clothing, not even your scarf or hat.



His Playbook: He may do a few tequila/brandy shots and then say, “I’m too drunk to drive, can I sleep on your couch?”

Your Playbook: He’s hoping you will say, “I’m not going to let you sleep on the couch, you can sleep in my bed, but only if you behave.” Instead, bring out the strongest coffee you have, give him to drink and call him a cab. Make sure he doesn’t get past the kitchen.



His Playbook: He may take the platonic approach: “Go change. Get comfortable. Pretend I’m not even here and do what you ordinarily do if you were by yourself.”

Your Playbook: His first observation after you change will be, “Damn. She’s not wearing a bra or underwear.” Then he will say, “Come lie down on the couch. Get a blanket and let’s watch TV.”



His Playbook: Last but not the least, is the cuddle trick: I’ll stay the night and we’ll just cuddle as friends. I promise to leave my underwear on. Scout honor.” Then the story changes: “This underwear is way too constricting. It’s itching me. I have to take them off. I hate when this happens…. do you mind?”

Your Playbook: (Game over) fast forward ten minutes later, “I need to put it in just for a second. I want to know what it feels like to be inside you. We don’t have to make love, just the tip…I promise. And the next thing you know, he’s riding you like a pony.



The nice girls often give in too early and then try to do damage control. “I’ve never done it before. I don’t usually do this with someone I barely know.” When men hear this, they assume the opposite. They call it “The Anti-slut Defence.”



Whenever you hear the word ‘don’t worry’ or ‘trust me’, be afraid…..be very afraid. That’s what the wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood. You should believe everything he says if you still believe in Santa Claus. Whenever a man says, “Don’t worry, I promise to be a gentleman,” what he’s saying is “I can’t be trusted.” If truly he’s a gentleman, he doesn’t need to announce it.



The way to weed out the contenders from the pretenders is to assess their attitude about waiting for sex. If he likes you, he will be happy just being in your company.



REJOINDERS ARE WELCOMED.



Opeyemi Egbemode is a graduate of Theatre Arts from Lagos State University (LASU) and currently works with a top PR firm in Lagos. You can follow her on twitter: @pretty_tessy

#SecretsFromMyPast: I have a son but my parents don't know!

It started way back in school. Being a jambite is not easy; the thrill, the bling life, the cultism and lots of stress on registration. We all wanted to be cool, we all wanted to be fancy and trust me, having been a day student all my life, knowing you now have freedom with no parent to disturb your peace was very cool.

One hot Monday afternoon, after being disappointed that our history lecturer cancelled for the fifth time, I was angry, hungry and depressed. Then, like a movie, this beautiful babe, well packaged with boobs and the perfect ass passed me by. I was totally amazed and dumb struck. Unfortunately, she fell down flat right in front of me; guess that was because I was staring too much. Like a knight in my shining armor, I ran up to offer her my help then she started laughing and it hit me, I was seriously in love. After that day, we got close and I started flirting with her and she was enjoying the attention, one thing lead to another and we started dating and all I could think of was having sex with her.

Unfortunately for me, I was still a virgin. I had my friends pay a casual sex worker so she could teach me the ions on satisfying a woman and make me feel like a man when my 'D' day comes. She taught me all I needed to know - using a condom and I screamed my whole life when I saw my seed gushing out. My friends teased me for a week because I actually shed hot tears - 'Who said being a man is that easy?'. My 'D' day came, I had set the phase, cleared my room and paid my friend's girlfriend to cook. I just had to impress. She came, after all said and bants, she gave me a deep French kiss which made me nearly cum on my pants. Her hands were doing things on my body and for a second I was like 'who is working who?' But I couldn't stop the pleasure in my brain. She got down and fed on my stick as I kept screaming her name. We had sex for over 5 times and I actually forgot my condom.

I didn't see her for a week, until she came to my house and dropped the bomb shell, 'I am pregnant.' I was shocked! Thought about an abortion but being a catholic, that wasn't an option. Fortunately for me, her dad was late so we approached her mom who perfectly understood. Here I am, a proud father of a 4years copy of myself, and my parent have no idea that their undergraduate son is a father. I just broke up with my baby-mama, but I still feel we are connected. Deep down inside, I knew my girl was and still is sexually more experienced than I am...



You can send us your own #SecretsFromMyPast; we will publish your story however raw they may be and if you want to remain anonymous like the writer of today’s piece we will not publish your name or contact. #SecretsFromMyPast will come up on this blog EVERY FRIDAY. Send them to olatunjispeaks@gmail.com



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#SecretsFromMyPast: My first SEX-perience!

So there was this babe I had always known but we weren’t so close. I could tell from every meeting with her that she liked me. I had often asked myself why she did like me but I wasn't able to find an answer to the question. After a while, we were on talking terms and she would call me ‘sweetheart’ and as a gentleman, I would retaliate with the same word or take it a little higher by calling her ‘sugar’ or ‘honey’ – it’s just a little flirting; don’t we all do that sometimes? Forgive me if I'm wrong.

I liked this babe too but the truth is, I didn’t see her as my own 'Mrs'; she wasn’t the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. To many people, that shouldn’t have been a problem at all; I was supposed to just play along, then ‘chop and clean’ mouth but I grew up believing that wasn’t fair on ladies and I wasn’t ready to be part of the 'movement'. So there was this day I saw her going home from work and she said, ‘Good Night’ while she shook my hand. I didn’t know the spirit that came over me that day; I didn’t understand why I said what I said but I remember saying to her ‘Is that how you will greet your sweetheart Good Night?’ She came back to give me a hug and to my amazement, a kiss... ON THE LIPS! Wow! Are you serious? That felt good but I also felt very bad after she left. What am I doing? Why did I say that? Why did I allow this to happen? I wasn’t particularly sad about what happened that day but at how I would be dealing with the situation from that time on.

As a result of the 'free kiss', I thought about this babe and I was drawn more to her; I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help it at the time. She came visiting once but there were too many people around. We had less than five minutes alone with ourselves and as though we were both waiting for the opportunity, we kissed again. This time, it was longer, sweeter, passionate and beautiful. Chai! I am officially a bad boy. We heard footsteps down the hall and we separated. As she made to leave, she invited me to her home and without hesitation I accepted the invitation but as she left, I became sober and began to condemn myself. I felt I had taken advantage of her, I shouldn’t have let this whole thing happen in the first place. I couldn’t afford a visit to her home; how would I be able to control myself? Sex, which I dread the most will definitely happen – I have to find a way to decline this invitation.

She called me that night to tell me how she enjoyed every minute spent with me and of course, I replied with the same kind of words. I didn’t want to hurt her or make her feel bad but I was looking forward to sitting down with her and discussing the situation we found ourselves. I realized from our discussions and the answers she gave to some of the questions I asked her that she understood perfectly that we were not in a relationship; we were only sexually attracted to each other. Wow! This was a new understanding of man and woman relationship for me – I had always thought you should be sexually attracted to the woman you intend to marry. It happened that I had been living in a different world. There is now what we call friends with benefits. Am I ready for this? How can I stop this if I am not ready for it? I must confess to you that the thought of having a woman who believed she was not in a relationship with you and yet ready to go physical with you sounded like a very good idea to me; the problem was my ‘faith’. My belief of that is 'fornication' and as much as it was enjoyable I wanted it to end.

I reluctantly visited her at home that fateful day. She made me one of my favorite meals but I told her I was filled. We disagreed over the matter until I had to take some. I actually found her cooking delicious. Then she told me she was going to have her bath. Right where we were sitted together, she removed everything on her while using a towel to cover her body. 'This is the temptation of the highest order', I muttered to myself. I focused on the movie I was seeing on the laptop. She made her way into the bathroom but by the time she was out of the bathroom the ‘Spirit’ had excused us and the flesh was in full manifestation. I stood up to hold her. She was shy, she would be totally naked but I didn’t care. In a matter of seconds, our lips were locked together and we kissed voraciously as a lion starved of food deals with a prey. Kiss was definitely not the only thing we did but I will leave that to your imagination before we corrupt this blog, lol.

The problem was that, I couldn’t go all the way. I wanted her, I liked her, she was pretty, she was a good woman but she wasn’t the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She still adores me till tomorrow and sometimes I ask myself, 'Why can’t I even marry her'- I just don’t see her in that capacity. This is the story of the day I almost had sex, and after the whole scenario, I told myself that if I was sure I didn’t want a thing like that then I shouldn’t start it in the first place. I wish I followed this lesson because what happened at another time is something you don’t want to hear… Maybe I will share it next week.



#SecretsFromMyPast is a new initiative from www.OLATUNJISPEAKS.com and you are free to send us your own secrets from the past.  We will publish your story however raw they may be and if you want to remain anonymous like the writer of today’s piece we will not publish your name or contact. Send them to olatunjispeaks@gmail.com

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Lara Kudayisi: Who will marry a single mother? I was viewed as wayward,one who has a child to show for it

A baby brings with it joy and excitement to its parents, loved ones and the world at large. However at other times, when unplanned for and unexpected, it brings with it uncertainties and depression. It alters the plans, ambitions and purposes of either parents or most especially the mother’s. It makes such a parent want to rewind and wish so many times that it never happened. The regret of having unprotected sex and even being so careless to allow that baby grow unexpectedly becomes very unbearable. There are so many times you wished you lost the pregnancy, so many times you wished the ultrasound scan reveals the child is dead; after all, it most likely resets you to before baby state. Single!

Who will marry a single parent? If you are a single father, it might be easier but for a single mother, you are labelled for life and might have difficulties in getting married to a guy who had never had a child or married. You are viewed as wayward, one who has lost her way and has a child to show for it. Unknown to many, if you were that wayward, you would be smart enough to prevent that baby from coming unexpectedly. This is my story; this is my burden, my cross and my crusade. This changed my life forever and how I suffered and went through so much pain searching and longing for love in the wrong places and with the wrong people. Whew! It wasn’t easy but I found happiness, I found joy and peace and I want to help someone do the same.

Rules for Single Parents

1) Declare your assets: Do not go into a relationship with anyone without declaring your asset, which in this case is your child. This could cause a heartbreak and disappointment from the other person. Tell them from the start about your child, let them calculate if they can marry you or not. Not everyone can marry a single parent and please do not hate them for this. It’s a huge task and responsibility that not everyone can handle. I made this blunder a lot times thinking I wanted the guy to love me for me without any encumbrance then later, I could tell him the greatest secret of my life. Of course, this usually signaled the end of that relationship and it left me wiser.

2) Love is not enough: This may be true for most relationships but this is a standard rule for a single parent. You can’t just fall in love like others; you have to calculate your cost more. Your relationship should go beyond love; find out if this person can tolerate your child and even be a parent for him/her. I am not saying you marry or date someone who you have no feelings for, but do not marry that person solely for love. Marry them when you can see a future which your child would be mostly comfortable.

3) Be slow to introduce your child: Though meeting your child can help solidify your relationship with your spouse especially when there is an affinity between both of them. However, it’s safer not to introduce your child officially to this person for the sanity of that child. Having introduced so many uncles and aunties to your child, s/he might get disappointed if some hopes and love have been around that person and then, a break up. Please be sure that relationship is heading somewhere serious before you expose that child to the world.

4) Gun for total acceptance: Please make sure your spouse accepts that child totally. This could be hard but it’s in the best interest of your child. S/he never begged to come to this world, so do not make them suffer for your mistakes. Marry someone who will accept your child totally without segregating him/her from the other children you have together. If possible, let your child live with you because that child needs a balanced home to grow up in; not live with some old relatives or in a faraway boarding school. Also, know that no one can take care of your child like you can hence the need for him/her to live with you.

5) Always put your child first: Before making the decision to go on a date or be in a relationship with someone, always put your child first. Will this decision favour him/her? Will it hurt him/her? Especially when you eventually want to settle down with that person, please consider your child in all of it. Will this person make a good mother or father for them?

6) Be a good role model: Be a good role model for your child in everything you do. I know being a parent happened to you unexpectedly and you still have to live your life, but please know that you are now the number one mentor for that child. You are mentoring him/her unconsciously in everything you do, so please choose wisely what you do in their presence. Make sure your spouse will make a good role model for the child.

Never forget to live your life to the fullest, always remember that your child is God’s gift and a help to you in years to come and give him/her the best treatment you can. You deserve the best, do not settle for less.



Written by Lara Kudayisi-Emerald! Check out her blog, www.shatteredglassng.com

This piece is published with the permission of Lara Kudayisi-Emeralds. Follow Lara on Twitter: @LaraKudayisi

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend': Woman, this is how to choose your own Kingin 2014 #Jan1st-Jan5thSeries

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend'



I had an interesting conversation with one of my closest female friends few days back and this opened my eyes to issues I think many ladies need to address. These issues are what even our men can learn from...

My friend had gone to the NYSC camp as a single woman but came back with love. He was fine, calm and caring. The relationship was so good that she contemplated marrying him even though he was a muslim (a different religion from hers) - she didn't seem to want to see anything wrong with it - talk about love is blind! It’s a few months down the line, my friend will be 28 soon, one or two other guys are coming but she wants to be committed to this relationship as she hopes for the best. She doesn't know exactly what the future holds and she's only waiting to accept what life throws at her instead of taking from life what she desires from life.

After listening to her for some time I felt a need to discuss with her for the first time about her relationship and as I woke up this morning it occurred to me that there are so many other ladies out there who are not proactive about their relationship and marital future, ladies who allow any man to come and go, ladies who wait on luck to get married because of the men they've chosen to be with, ladies who can't vouch 100% that am the only one in the life of my man. It saddens me and I thought to tell you today that you should not move on in 2014 without making deliberate decision about an aspect of life that has the capacity to make or mar your future - your marriage!

You must show that you are a smart woman. You must know what you want in life and not the woman that anything goes with. Anybody can be a man but not any man can be a King - not every man who is caring enough to pay attention to you for some time should have you, it should be the man whom the cap fits. The man whom the cap fits must first be defined by you. When you have a full idea of this man, when he shows up you will recognize him and when someone who is not it shows up, you will say NO even if he's caring, good, fine and all that. The definition of your man should determine who takes top place in your life. Gone are the days when Kings only has veto power to choose their queen, Kings love women who can decide their own Kings - decide who your man will be! Pick a book today; FORGET about all the men you have once met before and now. Write out 10 to 15 nonnegotiable traits of your husband; what your man must be (Note: I said 'be' not 'have' - there's a difference). 'Be' refers to his nature, character, his person, his way of life, his vision and passion, his habits, his purpose, his faith (religion) while 'Have' refers to his possessions, his looks, his demeanor, his car etc. When you look at that list, you are looking at your husband. Don't fall for what he has, fall for who he is.

We must all know what we want! It is paramount! No one should make a life altering decision such as who to marry without knowing clearly what he/she wants.





NOTE: January 5th is my birthday and I will be sharing lessons I have learnt in life starting from today, January 1st to January 5th, 2014. READ Yesterday's piece HERE

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How to have a happy relationship with your spouse #SINGLES&MARRIED

Subhadra Bhadauria



Be it any color, shape, size, but when you see the two holding hand in hand and promising eternal happiness to each other, you just know it’s just nothing but the perfect couple. This is how to have a happy relationship with your spouse;



Ensure a strong committed relationship: – In case you are not married but have strong feelings for your partner, then reveal your feelings and convince him/her. Make sure that you overcome the crazy infatuation and refill the void with rich and loving relation for its not always a bright sunny day, at times even dark clouds besiege, so assure that you make high efforts to save your loving relationship.

Spend time together: – The best redress to wounded relationship is spending quality time together. In case you have a ruined relationship, ensure that you spend more time together, take offs on the day, he/her has off and watch his/her favorite movie together. Go out for dinner or special lunch. Ensure you two spend most of the time together away from friends and near ones. Indulge in some mutual activity instead getting imperative with activities of your choice.

Discuss differences and settle them with a smile and hug: - When two come together in a relationship, differences are bound to come. One can’t be identical to any other personality. Each one has different persona and this should be ideally taken care while reconciling. Sit together and discuss the situations and circumstances which hurt you the most, talk to your partner about it.  Breaking the ice would make it even easier for both of you. Pick up the faults done and clear the air rather than heaping grudges and keeping chip on the shoulder.

Honesty: – Make things go thread bare before you partner, affirm honesty in your words. Let your partner know every important thing that she/he is supposed to know. Deceit and mistrust stay far away from these words as once the trust and respect is lost, it’s gone forever.

Respect emotions and beliefs:-

Don’t impose your beliefs on your partner. Let him/her be a free thinker as everyone has a right to do that. Respect each other’s emotions and sentiments.



Author Bio- Subhadra Bhadauria writes for famous match making site JeevanSaathi.com.  Understanding the human psychology well, she updates her readers on various articles, sharing views to accomplish happy marriage relationship.



Source: Single&Married



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of OLATUNJISPEAKS.com.

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How not to fall in love with the same type of men over and over again(MUST READ)

Lara Kudayisi



There was a time in my life that I felt men were all the same just because I went through the same pattern over and over again with different guys in a row. I mean we met, went on a couple of dates, he asked me out, I accepted and before you knew it, we got into a relationship and I would begin to hope for marriage; thinking I have met my prince charming. However in a matter of months, things would fall apart and before I could say Jack Robinson, a painful break-up. I would mourn that relationship for another 2-3 months, and then meet another cute guy, get fired up again and before I knew it, I would experience same pattern all over again and the result is another painful heart break experience.

At a point, I felt something was wrong with me spiritually; maybe my family’s witches have caught up with me and at another time, I concluded that all men are liars, in fact they are dogs. It was so easy to reach the latter especially when my other girlfriends seemed to share my point of view. Until I sat down one day to analyze the problem and found out that I kept dating the same set of guys. This was such a huge shock to me and I decided to break this deadly pattern in my life. Of course I did and I also want to help someone do the same.

1)Quit looking in the wrong places: I went to different places in search of Mr. Right. I went to clubs; put my number and details on the radio. The problem with this was, I wanted a guy who doesn’t drink, smoke or womanize yet I dated people I met in a club thinking they would change with time and of course they never did. Ironically, many guys will never want to marry a girl from the club, they just want to have fun and move on. Also, the ones I met on the radio were not any different. They were fun seekers and want no serious commitment and even if they were serious, I ended up not being their type because we met on the radio. I expected a fantasy which I never got, and always cry wolf anytime they break up with me.

2)Stop looking for the wrong things: I had a specification of what I was looking for; I guess we all do. Then, mine was a tall dark handsome (TDH) dude with a good job and a car. Since I had a bank job and a car, I felt the guy must also have a car because I couldn’t be driving my boyfriend around town. This was a very shallow thinking because most of them were not even ready for what I wanted. It was either they were already engaged or they were looking for finer and tusher chicks than me. Until, you stop basing your life-long decision on looks and material things, you will still keep following that same pattern.

3)Do not date an unavailable person: Some people fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship with another. Some love men and women who are married and are glad to be the second fiddle because they claim love is blind! Love my dear, is never blind! Like some people will say, if love is blind, marriage will open your eyes. Irrespective of the current benefits, don’t ever date someone who is attached to another, this reduces your self-worth. You can be that person’s friend but don’t wait around; you might end up waiting forever. Whenever you get attracted to a person who is in a relationship, try to kill the attraction and move on with your life. If at some point, he/she is unattached and fate brings you together again, then you can be a couple.

4)Do not be desperate: Girls aren’t the only desperate ones, I know some desperate guys too. I like this saying that says ‘don’t shop for food when you are hungry’. When you are desperate to be married, you date anyone without thoroughly checking through and then you get dumped all over again. Age should not be the reason why you date just anyone because age will not be able to keep you together when things go wrong. Do not let society push you into what would be a lasting sorrow. If you are late already, then you should also be sure to get it right.

5)Learn from your break up: After you break up, stop hating and learn the lesson. Many people break up and don’t learn any lessons from it because they spend their whole time blaming and hating the other person; thereby falling into the next trap. After a break up, you should sit down and analyze what went wrong. You can forget what hurt you in the past but never forget what it teaches you.

From a heart yearning to help, I dare to say that it’s time to break the pattern. No one does the same thing in the same way over and over again and expects to get a different result. BREAK THAT LOVE PATTERN!!!



Source: ShatteredGlassNG



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of OLATUNJISPEAKS.com.

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How to express love to your spouse

Lori Byerly



One of the critical things to develop in a marriage is a sense of emotional safety and security in the relationship. A good way of doing this is by frequently expressing love in tangible ways. Here are some suggestions.

• 
  
  Touch them - prefer your spouse, sit next to them, hold hands, hug, touch them as you walk by, make love, snuggle, take a bath together or take dance lessons.  Do anything that requires a certain amount of touch.


• 
  
  Spend time with them - find common interests, make dates, travel together, minister together, pray and study together, shop together or go for walks.


• 
  
  Talk to them - say something nice or kind, make a point of sharing your day, learn something new every day and share it, compliment them, read to each other, verbally encourage them in pursuing their dreams and say "I love you" a lot.


• 
  
  Do something for them - polish their shoes, pick up after the children (even if it's not your job) or change a diaper.  Look for something practical to do that will bless your spouse.


• 
  
  Give them something special - it might be something practical that they need or something foolish and romantic - a book, a handful of flowers, a mushy note or card (or a silly one, or a sexy one). Paul bought me a grease screen on our 1-month anniversary and I loved him for it! (yes, I'm the practical one)

As an aside, you might listen carefully to your spouse. Listen to what they ask for. Listen to what impresses them about others. This will give you a clue as to what they want and need in terms of loving expressions.



Source: MarriageBed



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of OLATUNJISPEAKS.com.

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10 Romantic Things to Do After Sex #STRICTLYFORMARRIEDFOLKS

by Smitten Kitten



P.S: We deal with sex issues on Fridays as we deal with relationship issues on Wednesday and this is because OLATUNJISPEAKS.com is out to Offer practical solutions to your challenges in life (your sexual and relationship life inclusive) – this is the reason for this segment – we are not out to promote pornography but to help couples have a better relationship. My dream is that, one day a married couple will walk up to me and say to me that our posts on Fridays and Wednesdays have helped solved their sexual and relationship problems.



Most couples enjoy the idea of turning on their respective sides and snoozing after a steamy session of sex. But not us! We believe in making the most of the precious moments after sex. The time right after sex gives you a chance to reconnect and bond with your partner. If you can’t think beyond cuddling and sleeping, here are 10 romantic things you can do after a love-making session.

Eat in bed
After some great sex, you’re sure to get hungry. Sex is like a workout, the best one! You also burn a lot of calories and your body craves food. So, fix a quick meal for yourself and your partner, lie in bed and eat while cuddling.

Talk
Talking after sex is a good way to rekindle the flame and even improve the communication between you both. Since both of you are going to be in a good mood, it’s a great time to bring up important topics. However, don’t get too serious as that could be a mood killer. Stick to light-hearted topics.

Take self portraits
Memorialise this amazing moment on the camera after getting frisky. You will have a natural post-orgasm glow, so no need for make up and post editing.

Get touchy
You don’t have to be a boring couple and fall asleep after some hot steamy sex. Spending some time in bed touching each other after the deed can be really romantic. Whether you’re watching TV or just talking, subtle and light touches are really cute.

Cuddle
Okay, so this one goes without saying. Cuddling and spooning after sex is one of the best ways to let your partner know that you adore them. Who doesn’t like spooning after some forking, right?

Reconnect
There are several ways to reconnect with your partner. You can talk, cuddle, touch etc. But, sometimes there’s some charm in just lying next to each other in silence and staring at one another. You would whisper sweet nothings or just share a beautiful moment in silence.

Laugh
Who doesn’t enjoy a good laugh, right? Guys totally dig girls who have a sense of humour. After sex, share a joke or say something that will make him laugh. Laughing together is a great way to get closer to each other.

Discuss the future
Okay, this has nothing to do about your future with him, but future plans in general. You both can discuss your dreams, hopes and plans for the future. Like a place you want to travel or a dream job maybe. This a really nice way to know each other and connect. Especially if it’s a one-night stand.

Watch a movie
Watching a movie after making love is a pretty good idea. Avoid anything serious or teary. Pick something light and fun. It’s a nice way to bond.



Source: iDiva

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of OLATUNJISPEAKS.com.

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Ways to Make Doggy Style Sex Enjoyable for MARRIEDCouples #STRICTLYFORMARRIEDFOLKS

Smitten Kitten



P.S: We deal with sex issues on Fridays as we deal with relationship issues on Wednesday and this is because OLATUNJISPEAKS.com is out to Offer practical solutions to your challenges in life (your sexual and relationship life inclusive) - this is the reason for this segment - we are not out to promote pornography but to help couples have a better relationship. My dream is that, one day a married couple will walk up to me and say to me that our posts on Fridays and Wednesdays have helped solved their sexual and relationship problems.



It’s a known fact that doggy style is the most loved sex position. It brings out your primal instincts and can be quite wild and sexy. However, most times, this position is only enjoyed by men as women tend to get uncomfortable and feel ignored. But, we bring you 9 moves that will help you enjoy this position as much as him. Try them out, tonight!

Balance out
While your man is enjoying himself during the act, there are chances of you getting distracted and worried about your balance. And the distraction is going to take away the focus from the sensations. So, before you begin, stabilise yourself first. Use a piece of furniture or headboard for support.

Make use of your hands
Don’t be surprised if your partner gets a bit self-involved in this position. Doggy style is one position which doesn’t allow him to pay too much attention to your clitoris. But, don’t deprive yourself and use your hands to have your own fun.

Slow and steady
Your man can totally lose control in this position and go all fast and furious. If you like it slow and nice, tweak the pace by changing the position. Try getting as close to him as you can to make him go slow and steady.

Take control
Another way to control pace is by letting him know that you’re in charge tonight. This works best when you’re doing it standing up. Wrap your arms around and push him in and out according to the pace you want.

Use a pillow
Like we mentioned earlier, if your clits are feeling ignored, place a pillow below your hips. Press into it in between the action to stimulate your clitoris. Now, that’s what we call a win-win.

Fantasise
The best thing about this position is that you’re not facing each other. Which means you don’t have to worry about your awkward facial expressions. Besides that, feel free to drift into your wild fantasies and make your weirdest orgasm face, he’s not watching.

Add some drama
To add some fun and eroticism, ask him to drip warm honey or melted chocolate on your shoulder and back and ask him to lick it off you in between the breaks. This will add a sensuous touch to your act.

Hit the G-spot
This position gives him a good chance to hit your G-spot. Lower your shoulders a bit and keep your head low for maximum pleasure.

Say it out loud
Guys can get a little selfish in this position. So, encourage him when it feels good by saying how amazing he is and keep shut when it doesn’t. He will know what moves to work on.



Source: iDiva



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of OLATUNJISPEAKS.com.

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Mistakes to avoid and how to attract the man of your dreams!

by Smitten Kitten



If you’re single and having difficulty finding a soul mate, it's probably time to look at how you play the dating game. You just might be making some common mistakes intentionally or unintentionally to keep your dream guy away. From trying way too hard to not trying at all, women don’t realise how simple acts can be deal breakers. Take a look at eight mistakes women should avoid when trying to attract the man of their dreams;

Keep him waiting: Whoever said arriving late is fashionable, never scored a date. While it’s a common notion that women are always late, let us make it clear that it’s a wrong stereotype. Try being on time to let him know that you value his time and he is important to you. Your effort to be punctual won’t go unnoticed.

Dress skimpy: You may want to look like Rihanna and Beyonce to attract the guy of your dream. But, believe us, not many can pull off the skimpy outfits. Besides, showing too much skin, they will make you come across as desperate. The point is to look pretty in whatever you’re comfortable in. So don’t underestimate the power of skinny jeans and a tee.

Wear too much make up: If wearing skimpy clothes is bad, wearing too much make up is worse. We know you want to sweep this guy off his feet, but overdoing the make-up thing will only scare him away. We’re not saying you go completely make up-free either. Just use a little to enhance your natural beauty.  We’re sure he won’t be able to take his eyes off you.

Starve yourself: This is a common problem of most young women across the globe (not us, we eat everything that comes our way). We’re not advocating unhealthy eating, but don’t be a spoil sport by starving yourself. Trust us, most men love women with some curves. And on a date, nobody wants to eat alone, right?

Talk about other men: Want to play the jealousy card? Well, it’s too old fashioned and doesn’t work anymore. On the contrary, talking about other men, exes etc. will only put him off. If you are attracted to this guy, make him feel special by talking about him, not other random men.

Be someone else: Kurt Cobain said, “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” We completely agree with the legend. Men like women who are genuine and authentic. So, don’t try to be someone you are not only to please others. Pretending to be someone you are not is not fun for yourself or him. Besides, do you really want to be with someone who likes you for what you are not?

Wrong body language: Your body sometimes speaks a lot about yourself without you even talking. So, make sure you don’t end up giving out the wrong signals. You don’t want to come across as cheap and easy. Be classy and carry yourself with poise.

Negativity: You may be having low self-esteem or like being a damsel in distress, but talking negatively and having negative thoughts all the time can be a deal breaker. Try meditation or seek professional help if you find yourself being negative always. Because if you don’t love yourself, nobody will!



Source: iDiva



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of OLATUNJISPEAKS.com.

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Before you say YES to him or HER! What are you bringing to the table?II #MondayInspiration

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend'



I had an interesting conversation with a beautiful young woman some time ago where she told me the qualities her type of man must possess. She said he must be God-fearing, intelligent, making money and about four other things my mind cannot remember. I was impressed; she knows what she wants in a man, which will make it difficult for a man who is not her type to sway her off. The problem with most of us is that we do not have a CLEAR-CUT picture of the type of man or woman we want to spend the rest of our lives with – if we do we will not date just anybody – that picture of the man you have decided in your heart and on paper (write it out) will be the deciding factor in knowing whether to say Yes or No to an opposite sex; it shouldn’t be his or her looks or one of the most common reason young people say yes to each other these days, ‘He/she’s a really nice person’.

You cannot to make a life-altering decision like that on a flimsy disposition of the person interested in you, you have to make an accurate assessment and be sure you are going to end up in the same place in future. I digressed. After listening to the beautiful young woman I mentioned earlier, I said to her, ‘These are great things to look for in a man and let’s assume you find a man who brings all these to the table, what are you (the lady) going to be bringing to the table?’ She responded immediately with a shocker, ‘I have never thought about that before in my life’.

The lady is just like many of us; we desire to have the most beautiful woman, with shape and curve, curly hair and has a British accent but we have failed to ask ourselves the all-important question, ‘what will I be bringing to the table should I get these type of woman?’ You cannot be asking for a sexy woman when you go about with pot-belly. How can you look forward to marry the woman with a curly hair when you have not barbed or shaved for God-so-many-forgotten months? What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

I want you to change your outlook today. Instead of you asking for a perfect man or woman focus on making yourself the perfect partner. List out all the qualities you would love in your spouse and one after the other tick the ones you have and set a goal to imbibe the ones you don’t have. You attract what you deserve, not what you wish for in life.

Lastly for women, your boyfriend is not your source of income; he should spend on you but in a limited capacity because he is not your father. Don’t ask for a man who can take care of your responsibilities, ask yourself if you have become the woman who will not be a financial burden to her man – that is when you have grown and can confidently beat your chest that you are an asset to him and not a liability. When was the last time you bought him something? Same goes for the men but more for the women. *runs away**

What other things aside these are you bringing to the table in your relationship or marriage? Write them in the comment section below.



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of OLATUNJISPEAKS.com.

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Wives, do you want to reach orgasm? 10 sex positions! #STRICTLY FORMARRIED FOLKS

Has it been a while since you experienced that elusive orgasm?  Tried it every way and yet you can’t seem to reach the soaring heights of lovemaking, huh? Well, let’s make it easy, shall we? Try these 10 awesome sex positions that guarantee mind-blowing, bed-rattling, orgasm-filled sex you’ve never experienced before.

The slow climb: Keep a pillow under your butt and lift your hips and legs towards your shoulders.  It stimulates the G-spot and making love becomes so much more erotic.  In this position, you tend to feel more. Ask your partner to slowly mount you and penetrate. Be ready for the best orgasm ever.

The doggie drop: No, it doesn’t involve being on all your fours (not you at least).  Lie on your stomach, lift your butt slightly and let him work his moves. It increases friction and guarantees a shuddering ending.

Criss cross: It’s one of the most relaxed positions ever. Lie on your back and ask your partner to lie next you.  Ask him to face you and then swing your legs over his butt and thighs as he enters you. To add to the excitement, touch yourself

Reverse GOT: The Girl On Top position is a definite go-to position if you want to experience the big O; but if it doesn’t work, then why not try this one?  Ask him to lie on the bed and sit on top of him facing the other side. Make sure you keep both your feet as close to each other as possible to increase friction and add to the pleasure.

Torrid turns: Time to get experimental! Leave your bed for this one and lie on a table top or your kitchen counter. Put one of your legs on his shoulders as he rocks your world.  Make sure you clench your butt during the moves to increase the passion.

Lap dance: Who doesn’t like a good ole lap dance? Take charge and sit on him. Make sure he does not lie down. Then sway front and backwards, with your hands in his hair. It will drive him crazy!

Spooning: It’s the easiest position that guarantees maximum pleasure. Snuggle up to each other and lie down on the bed with your back facing him as you make love.  It provides constant stimulation to your G-spot, increase friction and helps achieve orgasm.

Attention sir: Lean against a wall or a door facing him and ask him to enter you. The standing position may not allow complete penetration, so keep your feet together to increase friction and stimulate your most sensitive parts.

The slide: This one’s similar to the GOT position, but here you have to lie completely on the guy. Lie on your man and slide back and forth as you share a kiss at the same time. It’s time for the big O, ladies!



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of OLATUNJISPEAKS.com.

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The foreplay your man seccretly wants #STRICTLY FOR MARRIED FOLKS

Aren’t men always ready for sex? A quick kiss, a gentle nibble and they are up (pun intended) for action! But there are times they crave some foreplay too. Turning him on slowly and seductively is the way to go. We tell you foreplay moves which they secretly crave but rarely openly accept.

Seeing you naked: Your man must have seen you naked numerous times but what he really wants to do is take some time out and admire your naked body. Don’t be shy; let him examine every curve and contour and feel proud that you belong to him. It’s a major turn-on, trust us.

Breath play: Men love it when you use your breath to turn them on. Slowly breathe on his neck, letting him know that you are ready to get hot and heavy with him. Breathe near his bare chest and even stomach. The rush of hot air speeds up arousal and makes lovemaking even more interesting.

Rough game: Guys often like a forceful approach to foreplay, while women prefer love tender seduction. Take charge and play boss. Don’t let him touch you; instead kiss him with all the passion you have. Using your nails will also add to the pleasure and drive him crazy!

Tantalising touches: Don’t always head for the package when trying to touch your man. Surprise him with long nail strokes or even butt squeezes. Your man will love the fact that you are making love to his entire body, if you know what we mean.

Role play: It maybe an age-old trick, but men love it when you behave like an entirely different person behind closed doors. So go all out with a wig, change the way you wear your make up, acquire an accent for the night and even give yourself a new name, if that's what floats his boat. Make it sound like a one-night stand and enjoy it like there's no tomorrow.

Playing footsie: Why not start the foreplay much before you have reached home? Play footsie with your guy when out with him. Kick of his shoes and lock toes with him. Caress his legs and even tickle your man. If you are lucky and the table cloth covers you entirely, place your leg on his lap and play gently. He will rush for the cheque and before you know it you'll be having the time of your life.

Nipple nibble: Not many know it, but men’s nipples are just as sensitive as ours. Play with your man's nipples and he'll get all charged up. Lick and suck on them and gently blow them during foreplay and see 'em perk up with passion.

Tip-tease: After your man is hot and hard for you, don’t let him enter you immediately. Just play with the tip of his penis and allow him to enter. Then squeeze your cervix muscles and do not allow him further entry. Do it a number of times and drive him crazy with lust.

Source: idiva

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#MondayInspiration: Where are the women with whom you can haveintellectual conversation? What are you bringing to the table?

Gabriel Olatunji-Legend



Where are the women with whom you can have intellectual conversation? And they say they are wife materials; what I see are baby manufacturers. Where are the men with a sense of urgency, commitment and responsibility? And they say they are eligible; their eligibility can only be found in ‘bedmatics’ and sperm donation.

This is not to insult anyone but to propel every man and woman to grow beyond their present level into indispensable personalities. Why do we have women that cannot hold a conversation that is devoid of trivial things? Some ladies don’t even know the name of the Governor of the state they reside in and you expect a man to be proud of you; I am aware that not all women fancy political information and activities but men also do not fancy women with vain knowledge of their environment and country; no man wants to marry a dumb; no man wants to marry a woman who is asked in public about Michael Jordan and she goes, ‘Is he from Ghana?’. The intellectual woman does not have to be a book-worm; she only needs to read daily headlines of news to be in the know of things in her country and around the world. These days information is cheap as it can be found free of charge all over the blogs and internet; only a ‘cheaper’ woman still fail to access it.

I am a man! So permit me to be a little bias; if you do not want to be treated as a trophy or a thing become a person of value to your man – contribute to his conversations – research (Google) on some projects that the man is involved in and give him suggestions based on your findings. Even if he knew the suggestions you gave to him, he would see you as intelligent and an indispensable treasure. It is a failure on your part if your man finds it comfortable discussing business with another woman more than he does with you. Men find women who have an opinion sexy and intelligent – join the league.

Are men excluded from this conversation? Ofcourse they are NOT. Women are not things; they are not trophies that you place on a cabinet for showoff to friends and foes; they have blood running through their veins and they have feelings too – only an irresponsible man fails to pay attention to the feelings of his woman. Irresponsibility is not an insult but a state of the mind at a particular time. How can you love a woman and yet not be committed to her – love is not just a four letter word but commitment personified.

Are you the type of man your woman should be proud of in public? She’s only not telling you so that she doesn’t appear disrespectful – you disgrace her regularly in public with everything that you do; the way you eat, your remarks, your dress sense, your stinginess, your lack of gentleman demeanor and your obvious lack of respect for her which is obvious in your decision making process.

Are you even aware that there is a reason why women act the way they do and same goes for men; if you are as knowledgeable as you claim you would have gone in search of ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman and ‘Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus’ by John Gray – these are books that will make you the man to beat and will catapult you to the club of ‘Indispensable’ men to their women.

A friend of mine once broke-up with a babe because he believes she’s not bringing anything to the table. Relationship is like a business deal, each partner brings something to the table for trading. As a woman, ask yourself, what am I bringing to the table? As a man, ask yourself, is what am bringing to the table enough for her?

If you are in a relationship or you are about to enter a relationship, now will be a good time to write out what you are bringing to the table. Share your thoughts in the comment section below.



Gabriel Olatunji ‘Legend’ tweets from @OLATUNJISPEAKS



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PART 2! Let’s Talk About Sex; Singles STAY AWAY! STRICTLY FOR MARRIEDFOLKS

Paul Byerly

Read the PART 1 HERE

Touch him

His penis is the centre of his sexuality, so go there if you can.

• Feel him up at a stop light.


• Sit across from him at dinner, slip off your shoe, and massage his crotch with your foot.


• When he hugs you, or you hug him, feel his buns or penis though his clothes.


• Come up behind him and slip your hands up his shirt. Then move downwards.

Sleep naked

Wear socks if you must, but be sure he gets as much naked skin as possible. Wear something sexy to bed, and then remove it in his sight. Do this every night, not just when you want sex - you are building arousal.

Give him a show

Did you know 98.4% of men would like to see their wife masturbate? Moreover, the other 1.6% want to, but are too guilty to admit it. Okay, I made those statistics up, but the fact is watching a woman masturbate is extremely arousing to virtually every man. Even pretending to do it will get him turned on. So abandon self-consciousness and go for it. You can "play with yourself" a bit to turn him on during the day, or you can go at it more seriously to get him to want sex right then. Once you have his attention, ask if you should finish or let him join in. There is a good chance he will want to watch you masturbate to orgasm, but even that will work for you, as it will get him aroused for then and/or later.

Get a video camera

Capture your lovemaking on media. One sexually frustrated wife who tried this reported that hubby wanted to watch it right after it was made, and this resulted in them having sex a second time - something that had not happened in many, many years. You could also make a video of yourself masturbating, or better yet ask him to be your cameraman for such a video.

Variety

Most of us would get bored if we ate the very same thing day after day - no matter how good it was or how much we initially enjoyed it. Sex is the same way for most men. Adding variety is not really difficult, once you get your mind out of any ruts.

• If you always have sex in the dark, turn on the lights, if you always have the lights on, turn them off.


• Try having sex at a different time - Saturday morning is good, or lure him into the bedroom before dinner, and as you undress, tell him you have been thinking of him all day and you have to have him right now.


• Try other positions.


• Have sex in other rooms - on the kitchen counter (you seated, him standing), on the dinner table, couches and chairs, the floor, whatever. If you have a garage, have sex in the car.


• Try "making out" somewhere that is private enough for some clothed or under clothes groping, but not private enough for intercourse (the back patio maybe?). When you can't stand it anymore, head for the bedroom - or agree you are going to "finish" as best you can where you are.


• Shave off some or all of your pubic hair - or ask him to do it for you. If you can get him to shave you every other day it will mean he spends time looking at and touching your vulva, and that will arouse him.


• Buy a sex toy - an egg vibrator is a good starting place. Or get some flavoured lubricants. (Covenant Spice has such items without any nudity.)


• If you have not tried oral sex, do so. Start by doing it to him, after a few times see if he will return the favour.


• Learn to drive him crazy with your hands. With practice, you can make him beg you to finish him. Use a good lubricant, and try various ways of touching and stroking.

Just Do It!

Don't ask if he wants or will have sex, just start doing it. Get your hand between his legs and see if you can cause an erection. Keep going once he is erect until you think he is getting fairly horny, then climb on top of him and enjoy yourself. Starting the process with your mouth may work even better. Try catching him as he gets out of the shower - kneel in front of him and use your hands and mouth to get him so aroused he asks you to make love.

Take the pressure off

If you think he often feels "pressured" about sex try using your hands or mouth to give him a "no strings" orgasm - meaning you don't ask him to do anything for you afterwards (you could ask him if he minds you masturbating next to him afterwards if you like). This is a more long-term thing, as you are working to change his mind set.

Convince him his drive and desires are okay with you and God: It is shockingly common for a man to worry that his drive is too strong (he wants sex too often) or too kinky (anything other than missionary in the dark). This creates a powerful dilemma for a man - each time he has sex he is trying to restrain his natural (and God given) drive and desires. He cannot enjoy when he is worried and holding back, and he may come to dread sex for fear of “losing control” doing something wrong.

There are two separate issues here: his fear that what he wants is wrong before God, and his fear that you will be hurt, offended, or angry by what he wants. Usually the problem is a combination of the two, but for most men the concern about their wife is greater. If this dilemma is limiting your husband sexually, your job is to convince him that his drive and desires are good, holy, and not offensive to you. It is possible he wants something that is outside of what God allows, but in reality, God's boundaries for sex in marriage are very broad, and the odds are he does not want something sinful. Getting past this problem is likely to take some time, especially if he has been fighting it a long time. He will need to hear repeatedly that it's okay, that you are not offended by his sexuality, and that you do not think what he wants is wrong.

Start by praising his sexuality. Tell him how much you enjoy his body, and specifically his sex organs. Tell him how good it feels when he is inside you, and how he fulfils you and makes you feel like a woman when he makes love with you. During both foreplay and intercourse be sure to be vocal and active yourself - showing him you really like it may help him let go. Tell him you want to fulfil his sexual wants and desires completely. When he is having sex with you encourage him to let go - say things like "harder", "faster" or "let go". As he is about to climax, "command" him to orgasm in explicit slang terms.

Push Him

Ask him to let you watch him masturbate. If he sees his sexuality as ugly or dangerous, this is likely to be very difficult for him. If he can do it and see that you don't hate him for it, it may help him a great deal. Be sure to tell him you enjoyed it, and that it turned you on. If he starts but cannot bring himself to finish, take over for him.

Lay it out for him

Talk to him about what you want; about wanting more sex, and about having more variety. Be specific and graphic. Try to find out what he might like by suggesting you want to try things. If you have never tried oral sex, tell him you really want to use your mouth on his penis. If you get any hint he likes the idea, ask specifically if you can do it the next time you have sex; or just do it without asking. Try writing a sexual story about the two of you, and introduce some things you want or think he would like. If you write from the first person perspective, you can communicate your thoughts about his sexuality, how sex feels to you, and how much you enjoy sex with him.

Show him that you are sexual

If he thinks he is protecting you, showing him you are sexual will help. Many of the ideas above will help convince him that you are not the uptight sexually limited woman he has imagined. Use of slang terms, if you do not have a problem with them, may really help him because they break the "good girl" image. Openly and graphically asking for sex, or describing what you would like sexually, will also help change his understanding of you. What you wear, especially underwear and what you wear just in front of him will also alter how he sees you sexually. Writing a sexual story with your thoughts and desires clearly spelled out is a very good way to challenge his view of your sexuality.

Apologize

If you regularly rejected his sexual advances in the past, this may be a major factor in his lack of interest now. Maybe it's retaliation, but it's more likely he's put his sexual energies into something else (work or hobby) and is not interested in changing. He might be afraid you will lose interest again, and then he would get hurt all over. Maybe he just got so burned out by sexual rejection that his sex drive has faded. He may still have a good drive, but it masturbating as it seems safer. Regardless of what and why, if you refused him in the past, you need to deal with the injury that caused him – a pain you now understand.

Some things he may secretly long for, and how you can help him try them

• Performing oral sex on you: Get some ice cream syrup, apply it to your breasts, and ask him to lick it off. Then apply some a bit lower, working towards your genitals, asking him to lick it off each time.


• Rear entry (doggie style): Get in position and ask, or tell, him to do it. Help guide him in. (Putting your head down and rear up makes this easier. Reach back and help him in, the angle may confuse him.)


• Sex with you on top: During foreplay get him on his back and climb on. Encourage him to play with your breasts.


• Bondage: Nothing kinky, just one of you tied. When he is the one tied, he can relax and enjoy whatever you do because he is "not in control". You can fake bondage by tying him with yarn he could easily break free, or by putting his hands on the headboard and telling him that he is not allowed to let go. Suggest this during foreplay, with something nearby to make it happen (a bathrobe tie for example)


• Sex toys: Men particularly like to penetrate their wife. Ask him if he would use a _____ on you if you bought one – or buy and tell him you have it and would enjoy him using it if he feels comfortable with the idea.


• Being teased: Some men are really enjoy being turned on and then made to wait. So feel him up, until he is almost there, and then tell him you will finisher later. You can do this to him during commercials while watching TV, or do it before going out on a date together.


• Watch youmasturbate: Just do it!

Closing thoughts

Try these ideas, and your own, gradually, and be sure to look and listen for feedback. If something does not result in him wanting sex, does it arouse him? If he is not getting an erection, that means something different than if he gets an erection and still rejects sex. Does he say what you are doing is silly, gross, or wrong, but keeps watching? Even if your attempts do not result in sex, they may give you information that will help you discover the reason he is saying no.

Finally, there is nothing wrong with you for wanting sex. Some men try to cover their problem by telling their wife she is bad or ungodly for wanting sex. Nothing could be further from the truth. Aside from the fact that Paul commands men to take care of their wives sexually in 1 Cor 7, consider this passage in which Paul is instructing Timothy about which women to add to the list of those who the church supports:

“Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age ... But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry ...” [1 Tim 5:9a & 11 ESV]

Paul is saying here that women under the age of sixty will have sexual desires that will cause them to desire to marry even if they have taken a pledge to devote themselves to full time service to God. Paul is of the opinion that a fifty year old woman who has known the joy and pleasure of sex will be strongly motivated to remarry and experience sex again! That is hardly a condemnation of a strong female sex drive! God gave you the desire you feel, and He intended you and your husband to enjoy sex often.



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Let's Talk About Sex; Singles STAY AWAY! STRICTLY FOR MARRIED FOLKS

Paul Byerly



It is becoming increasingly common to hear of women who want sex more often than their husband does. In part, this is the result of a greater willingness to speak up about the problem, but there are other factors at play. Due to things ranging from stress to obesity to internet porn, a growing number of men are less interested in sex, less able to have sex, or unable to be aroused by their wife as they should.

There is one other cause of these problems that needs to be noted before we move on. If there is a significant ongoing problem between you and your husband, this can also harm his desire/ability to be sexual with you. Hurt feelings may continue even after something is resolved or buried, so past problems could be an issue too. If he feels you take him for grated, don't respect him, or expect unreasonable things from him, his sexual interest in you will be effected. If any of these are at play, the ideas here are a bandage on a lost limb – deal with the problem first, and then apply the ideas here if his sex drive does not return.

The reasons for a lack of male sex drive are many, and a checklist of sorts can be found in our Lack of Desire article. The purpose of this article is to give frustrated wives some practical ideas that may help them entice their husband to have more sex. If your husband is afraid that his sex drive makes him a monster, suffers from sexual guilt, or is concerned you don't really want or enjoy sex, these suggestions should either get him past his hang up, or create a crisis that will bring the hang-up to light. If your husband is suffering from a low sex drive, or is just too busy, these ideas may be effective. If your husband has fed on porn to the point he can’t be aroused by a real woman (any real woman, not just you), these ideas will likely not be of much help.

If these ideas don't help, you may have a serious problem, and it's probably time to seek help. Please note that sexual problems can be a warning sign of significant health issues; his primary care doctor needs to know about any change in desire or sexual function – it could literally save his life.

Because men have a wide variety of likes and dislikes, and a wide variety of sexual baggage, you should pick and choose from the things suggested here. However, don't assume you know what he will like, and don't assume his first reaction to something reveals his true feelings. If you want to precipitate a change, you're going to have to be bold and take some risks.

The male brain is wired a certain way when it comes to sex, and regardless of how strong or weak a man's drive is, his basic sexual wiring is the same. In a nutshell men like to see sex organs (breasts and genitals), and like to see those parts doing something.  Men also like variety. The idea here is for a woman to learn how to use these things to arouse her husband.

Before we start, you need to ditch any worries you have about not looking good, or being able to arouse your husband visually. First, realize that most women are far more attractive than they think. Second, realize that most men are not as into sexual perfection as you think. The looks of the average centrefold or porn star are icing on a cardboard cake. If you are going to look at a two dimensional image of something you can't have, you care about every little detail; but when you are having real sex with a real woman those things are not important. Third, realize that men are practical, the wife you have is better than the woman you don't have. To be blunt ladies, it's not what you've got, it's how you use and display what you've got. A woman who is overweight, flat as a board, or otherwise not up to some worldly standard of sexy, can easily drive her husband crazy with lust (it's okay for him to lust for you) if she knows how to do it. The biggest block to making this work is worrying about looking or acting silly. You have nothing to lose, so abandon shame and embarrassment, get in there, and turn your man on!

Don't wait until you want sex to start turning him on. For men arousal is a cumulative thing. Get a man turned on then walk away, and his conscious awareness of his arousal will fade, but his body and his mind have been primed. The next time he is aroused the response will be faster and stronger. Plan ahead, and work him up off and on over time rather than trying to get him going all at once.

All that said, here are a number of ideas. In some sections, I have listed a number of similar ideas to try to help you understand how his mind works. Once you understand his sexual mind, you will be able to come up with your own ideas.

Show him or make him think about your body

Nudity, hints of nudity, and making him think about your sexuality are good ways to prime the pump before you get him to bed. Some ideas to get you started:

• Lift your skirt for a couple of seconds to show him sexy panties, or no panties.


• Tell him that you are not wearing any panties. Whispering this to him in public is especially good.


• Go to the bathroom, remove your panties, and hand them to him when you come out. Again, this works especially well in public (be discreet).


• Buy (or make) panties that tie on the sides - you can untie and remove them discreetly.


• While in the car, remove your bra from under your clothes.


• In the car, lift your skirt or dress up high on your leg. When stopped at a light and sure no one can see, put his hand between your legs. A dress or skirt with buttons down the front gives a similar opportunity by undoing one or two buttons.


• Flash a breast at him at an isolated stop light.


• Wear a blouse or shirt that hangs open when you bend over, and flash him.


• Flash your panties, or lack thereof, by sitting across from him. Be sure no one else can see, but if you can pull this off in public, it will really affect him.

At home, you can be even more direct, especially if you have no kids around. Even if you have kids, you can find a moment here or there.

• Walk into the room naked from the waist up, or the waist down. Then do carry on as if you were fully dressed.


• Buy some really sexy lingerie (black or red, crotchless, a thong) and make sure he sees you put them on in the morning, or before you go out together.


• Serve him a multi course dinner. Each time you bring in a dish, be wearing one less item of clothing. By dessert, be naked.


• Serve him breakfast in bed wearing nothing but an apron.


• Without warning, while he is watching, lift your shirt, massage your breasts (getting your nipples erect) then lower your shirt and go on like nothing happened.


• Do some naked exercising. Stretching out naked is also good. Or tease him by doing it in just panties, or nothing but a tee-shirt.


• Take pictures of yourself naked, especially close-ups of your more sexual parts (Polaroid, or digital). Make sure they remain private between the two of you, but use them to add to his arousal. Put a picture on his dinner plate. Tape one to the bathroom mirror. Set one as the desktop for his computer, or make a series of them his screensaver (this only works at home, and if no one else will see it). Send them to his phone (make sure it won’t pop up and be seen by others).


• Buy some sexy, revealing, totally immodest clothes you would never wear in public, and wear them just for him. Second hand and thrift shops are great for this. The kind of provocative clothing worn when he was in high school is likely to be particularly effective, and dangerously high heels will get most guy’s attention.

Talk sex to him

What you say affect him. No doubt these sound corny to you, but try some and see what happens. By the way, most men are grabbed by "slang" terms, so if you don't have a problem using them in their sexual way, try it.

• "I've been thinking about your penis all day."


• "I was thinking about having sex with you, and now I'm all wet."


• "My mind keeps drifting... to your crotch."

READ THE PART 2 ONE WWW.OLATUNJISPEAKS.COM TOMORROW BY 10AM



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#Singles&Married; 6 Things Every Couple Needs to Know

By Angel Chernoff



If your relationship with your partner doesn’t feel as healthy and happy as it once did, there’s a good chance you both need to STOP…

1.  Being too busy to be present with each other.

The best gift you can give someone you love is the purity of your full presence.  Presence is complete awareness, or paying full attention to “the now.”  If you do not find at least some amount of presence in the moments you share with your partner, it is impossible to listen, speak, compromise, or otherwise connect with them on a meaningful level.

To cultivate your presence, all you need to do is sit quietly for as long as you desire and put your full attention on your breath – thinking only of what each inhale and exhale feels like.  Don’t judge or resist your inner-workings

2.  Feeling too comfortable to compliment each other.

The secret to a healthy, lasting relationship is not about how many days, months, or years you’ve been together, it’s about how much you truly love each other every day.  You must directly express this love through your words and actions.  It seems like such a small thing, but in our busy lives we often forget that a kind word, a helping hand, or just a smile and a quick “thank you” can create a bright spot in your partner’s life.

Relationships last a lifetime only when two people make a choice to keep it and work for it.  Tell your partner you love them every night, and prove it every day.  These acts of love don’t need to be extravagant; they just need to be true.

3.  Resisting compromise.

Good relationships don’t just happen, and they aren’t built solely on a foundation of convenience.  They take time, patience, effort, and two people who want to be together and are willing to meet in the middle.  When there’s a disagreement, they work out a solution that works for both parties – a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change or completely give in.

Ultimately, love is when another person’s happiness is equally as important as your own.

4.  Wanting to be right.

When it comes to closest relationships, you don’t always have to be right; you just have to not be too worried about being wrong.  Ask yourself, “Does it really matter?”  Oftentimes it’s far better to be kind than to be right.

Express your opinions freely and politely with your partner, remembering that if your purpose is to ridicule or prove them wrong, it will only bring bitterness into your relationship.  Respecting their opinion, without judging or jumping to conclusions, always carries more weight than being right.

5.  Hiding personal flaws and problems from each other.

You attract a person by the qualities you show them, you keep them around based on the qualities you truly possess.  Problems and flaws are a part of everyone’s life.  If you try to hide them, you don’t give the person who loves you a chance to truly know you and love you fully.

As flawed as you might be, as out of place as you sometimes feel, and as lacking as you believe you are, you don’t have to hide the imperfect pieces of yourself from your partner.  They see your flaws as features that make you interesting, and they see your problems simply as a sign that you’re human too.

6.  Trying to get even, as a replacement to forgiveness.

You don’t forgive your partner because you’re weak; you forgive them because you’re strong enough to know that human beings make mistakes.  Forgiveness is giving up your craving to hurt them for hurting you.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move forward with your life… and hopefully move forward with your relationship too.

Afterthoughts

The greatest relationships take a great deal of work.  They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves.  They thrive only when two people make an effort and take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their heads and hearts.

Keep in mind that every couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that’s the way it should be – you’re a partnership, and partnerships can’t function without regular communication and compromise.  When you don’t talk it out, there’s a lot of important stuff that ends up not getting said.

And, above all, remember that it’s not all about you.  There is greatness in doing something you dislike for the sake of someone you love.

Your turn…

What relationship mistakes would you add to this post?  What should every couple stop doing to each other?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.



Source: MarcandAngel.com



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How I fell in love with my best friend's ex-girlfriend

Gabriel Olatunji Legend



Hehehehe! Yes of course, I know you’ll find this very funny and you might want to predict things considering the fact that I wrote a tribute to my best friend yesterday on this blog. You can read that HERE if you missed it.



Don’t get it twisted, there are often some elements of fiction in every story – so the story doesn’t necessarily have to be real to you (for private reasons *winks*), but do enjoy reading anyways!

I was having a good time at home on this fateful day, thinking and strategizing for the next level when my phone started ringing. It was my best friend calling. “How you dey?” I inquired. And we went on ‘insulting’ each other over the phone, trying to prove some age superiority between ourselves. If you have a best friend you will understand that kind of conversation. At the end of the phone talk he asked me to come over to his place and I enquired, for what? He wasn’t going to let the cat out of the bag but that he insisted he was expecting me.



I stormed out of my room believing there was a big business idea this guy wanted to share with me again, as this has become our custom. We always find ourselves share several explosive ideas even though we mostly ended up implemented few of them, but they were well worth it as it gave us impetus to dream and dare more. If you don’t have a friend like that with whom you can share your dreams and be free, then you need to reconsider your friend circle. Your friends should inspire you and help you to dream. This was how our friendship had grown over time and, this time, I was also thinking this was another unplanned brainstorming session; like always I was ready.



On getting to his place, I wasn’t sure whether or not I knocked, the only thing I remember was that I saw an entirely different thing from my expectations; I saw my friend’s girlfriend. I couldn’t believe this! When did this happen? How did it happen? How come I never knew this young man had a girlfriend all the while? These were the questions that scanned through my mind as I was being introduced to the pretty lady. She looked innocent, young, pretty and friendly; it was obvious she was in love with my friend as she jealously defended him every step of the way, most especially every time I sought her permission to deal with the guy. That was understandable, they just started dating, they were in love; she had met one of the best men any woman could have. He wasn’t only eligible; he was handsome, intelligent, honest, ambitious and spiritual. I should mention that, at that time, he was also working with a leading media outfit and was earning good money.



On the other hand, she was young, full of dreams, and had just gained admission into the higher institution at the time but you wouldn’t see it on her mature looks. She models and does ushering jobs for agencies on the Island and across Lagos.



On that day, I was the weird and unserious guy I’m always known to be when around my core friends. When I’m seen outside, people usually think I’m the very serious type who wouldn’t say or do some certain things, but on the flip side, I play like anything, I say the kind of jokes you wouldn’t believe and I support the movement whenever someone is being put on the spot! But I only do all these things when I’m with my core personal persons.



I was in same playful mode when I was introduced to Ruth on that day. I didn’t even form anything at all, I was all jovial and this gave her a certain impression of me, which I didn’t care about either! She was a fine girl but I was never interested in her, I just wasn’t interested but I never made that obvious. I was always her friend whenever she was around my friend, and as soon as she’s off the friendship was suspended till we see again. I am not the type of friend that likes to be too ‘munchy munchy’ with my friends’ babes for obvious reasons (I leave that up to you lol), but when I see the babe and her boyfriend is there you won’t even know she’s not my girlfriend, as I would personalize her in every way I can and this was my relationship with her.



Months went by and I really can’t ascertain exactly how long the relationship lasted, but I think its either less than a year or a little over a year. My friend and this lady called it quit amicably (according to them lol). Anyway, I thought this was the end of my relationship with Ruth as the primary reason she was my friend in the first place was as a result of her relationship my friend, and who am I not to respect his wishes. After the painful breakup, we did not talk for months and I still didn’t care! I can’t remember how she got on my BB exactly but she was there and we still never had a BB conversation; what a brat I am (For everyone I have been rude to in this same manner, kindly forgive me).



To shorten the long story, I ran into her in my church one Sunday morning and she was looking extravagantly-dapper; her looks literarily swept me off my feet. If I had any doubt as to how pretty she was before, that day laid the doubt to rest. Chai! She was looking sweet that morning but as you may know, I am not moved by fine girls, only fine brains move me. I love a woman who can communicate intelligently and engage you in conversations intellectually. I love an audacious and ambitious woman who can leave you spellbound with her frame of thought, and ultimately a woman with an insatiable desire for God.



Ruth greeted me in a very special way as it’s been ages since we last saw. We left and I thought that was it until a conversation ensued between us on BBM later that day or the following week. She told me how far she has come, what she’s been upto, the defining moments in her life and how she decided to attach a solution to her name when it is being mentioned. She gave me examples of people who inspire her new purposeful living, and I was privileged to be one of the names she mentioned. It was as if she was sitting right in my front, the dreams she shared were unbelievable not because they were too big but because I never expected it from her (I had a totally different mindset about her). Would you blame her? Blame me! I never even gave her a chance either.



I knew right there and then that I wanted to know this woman, I had known her by name and face but I did not have a clue about what she had in her heart. Suddenly, I doubted my beliefs of her and for the first time since she broke up with my friend I asked, “Why the heck did he break up with her?”



I can’t go on again, it is getting too long. Watchout for Part 2! If you enjoy it PLEASE help me share with as many people as you can (Broadcast it, share it on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIN, Google+, and others)



Lessons: You don’t really know people until you spend time with them.
You are not the only one who has a dream, the fact that people haven't
shared theirs with you doesn't mean you are better. Always give people
a chance, tomorrow may be too late. Because your friend broke up with
him or her don’t mean you should break up your friendship too – life
is too short. Make the most impact you can make in people’s lives
because you never know which one will count.

(Don’t forget to comment, what are the morals in the story? Also share with your friends)



Gabriel Olatunji Legend is an entrepreneur and a solution strategist. I am open to further discussions on my twitter handle @OLATUNJISPEAKS |