Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend': How to become the world best player in life!

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend'



It was a sad evening for me as the generator stopped abruptly while I sat down to watch the Ballor’ d’or gala. I was rooting for Christiano Ronaldo of Real Madrid Football Club to lift the trophy. I had always been a Ronaldo fan since Jose Mourinho became his coach and I wanted nothing else other than him taking the crown as the world best footballer for 2013.

While the generator was off and I had tried all I could to turn it back on but to no avail I laid down on my ‘mat’ to ruminate over the life of this footballer. He had been nominated for eight times, he has won it only once and in the last four years he has consistently been the first runner up behind a younger Lionel Messi of Barcelona Football club. In all of these, what I find most interesting is the fact that he never missed any of the award gala even when it was obvious that he was not going to be given the award. His sense of belief and faith is second to none. He believes that he is the world best footballer and he doesn’t care whether you agree with him or not.

How many of us will still believe in the success of a thing if after five to six years we have not been able to achieve it? Usually we give up after the first or second try; one of the constant laws of success I know is Persistence! If you do it long enough, you will make it there in bunch. Christiano Ronaldo, although much older than the younger Lionel Messi never used that as an excuse and decided to reduce the quality of what he brings to the table as a footballer instead he is playing better today than he was playing when he started. You cannot expect to get a Mango tree in one day – you must constantly water your planted seed before the tree eventually spring forth. You cannot expect to start today and become famous tomorrow, it takes time.

Whatever it is that you want in life, if it doesn’t happen fast enough, don’t give up yet. It takes those who are persistent in their effort at achieving greatness to eventually achieve it. It is time for us to stop expecting greatness only after the first, second or third try. If it takes you ten times before greatness beckons, keep at it; as long as you are sure that the goal you are after is a worthy one. Don’t give up now – keep on keeping on.

He finally won the coveted award on Monday, Jan 13th 2014. The above explanation is how to become the world best player in life!



I am Gabriel Olatunji ‘Legend’ and I am committed to inspiring you to greatness. Follow on Twitter: @OLATUNJISPEAKS | Email: olatunjispeaks@gmail.com

Tomi Sule: Blessings of a Pot Belly!

Tomi Sule



Some days ago, on my way to work, I heard a very shocking, seemingly trivial but heartfelt confession. “My tummy is too flat, this dress will show how flat it is and people won’t be expecting that…” In Africa, this would be every woman’s dream, as the likelihood to develop an ‘eba, amala and pounded yam’ induced-pot-belly from early childhood is very high.

I remember the teachings of Miss Ufuoma, my primary 2 teacher, or is it primary three now? I am really getting old (yea right, I’m not even middle aged yet!)

Anyway, Miss Ufuoma taught us the classes of food, and the diseases caused by deficiency of these foods. There was a big poster on the wall of our classroom with a boy with a football sized belly caused by kwashiokor… That poster was a constant reminder that we were not to eat too much carb, and anyone who had a slight pot belly was called ‘kwashiokor!’

Now even with the modern trends, many women actually pray for ‘pot bellies’- the married ones that is. The ‘pot’ belly I am talking about is the adorable ’9 month old blessing that women call their greatest bundle of joy. I’m sure you get the point but if you don’t, ask your mother. When a lady gets married, the next thing everyone starts observing is her tummy. People keep looking below her belt to see if there is a bulge. Now the lady in question has an adorably flat tummy that would make even Kate Moss go green with envy. Now the thing is, she wishes she had an actual pot belly and does everything she can to mask it rather than show it off. Crazy? Not exactly. The lady is married, and everyone has been expecting her tummy to bulge. I overheard her confessing that she wished she had an actual pot belly, so people won’t stare so much with sinister looks on their faces when they looked at her tummy.

It’s painful when a woman dangles between hope and anxiety, it’s like taking two steps forward and one step back. Hope propels one in the direction of goals; anxiety does nothing but pull people back. That is easy for me to say, I wasn’t in her shoes. I didn’t say anything that day, I wish I did. I wish I told her to hold on, that all things work together for her good. I wish I told her that her miracle is on the way and she will soon be carrying her ‘esteemed’ pot belly. But I just sat there tongue tied.

I can’t boast of knowing the anxiety of ‘expecting’ mothers, but I do know that all things work together for good, and if we keep believing all that we hope for will come to us. A very renowned lady in our church who we fondly called ‘Anty Julie’ has been married for relatively 25 years with no children and she just took in…talk about a modern day Sarah!

This isn’t just dedicated to those seeking babies; it is dedicated to all who have long waited the fruition of their expectations. We all have something that we have all been waiting for, hoping for and praying for. What is your ‘pot belly’? Keep feeding your faith with confession and positive expectation, place a picture of what you expect in front of you and look at it every morning in thanksgiving.

Lift your head up, your expectation is around the corner, I can feel it!





Wife, Mother, Author, TV Presenter and People Developer; TOMI SULE-EMMANUEL is a creative mix of passion, purpose and odd genius. She and her husband are both based in Randburg – South Africa, from where they are passionately affecting lives globally, everyday! Check out her blog, www.tomisule.com

Gabriel Olatunji ‘Legend’: Disappoint all those who look down on you!Create the life you deserve #MondayInspiration

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend'



I met a beautiful young lady yesterday by the name Adebisi. She grew up in a large family, broken home where she experienced wickedness at the highest level. She was beaten, punished and her self esteem was battered. She was made to work and serve every other member of her family. She has tried her hands on almost everything you could think of; she has been broke, jobless, ‘schooless’ and hopeless but there came a time in her life when she had to fight back and take from life what she believed she deserved. It wasn’t going to be easy but I’m glad to announce to you that the problems of yesterday had become a history as at yesterday.

Your Family Background Regardless

Your family may be poor but that is not a ticket for your own poverty; you should not accept your family’s poor background as a norm and a standard for your life. Somebody said, ‘your family’s background should not put your back on the ground’. Don’t fall the same fate with your father (if his story is not palatable).

Create your own path

The greatest men in the world are men whom despite their difficulties in life have decided not to be put down; instead, they have created a new path that have inspired others. Ali Baba created his own path, and today, there are thousands of people in every corner of Nigeria who call themselves StandUp comedians. When you create your own path in life, you have succeeded in becoming a legend!

Disappoint those who looked down on you

Adebisi has grown from that young lady that was pitied by her friends due to the untold hardship she was going through. She graduated from YabaTech and also studying Mass-communications at the University of Lagos. She works with a top brand management firm in Lagos and one minute with her will leave you challenged. As I thought about her story, I couldn’t help but notice that she disappointed all those who looked down on her and went ahead to create the life that she deserve.

I want her story to inspire you today; don’t allow your family background to put you on the ground. Create your own path in life and disappoint all those who looked down on you.

See you tomorrow!



I am Gabriel Olatunji ‘Legend’ and I am committed to inspiring you to greatness. Follow on Twitter: @OLATUNJISPEAKS | Email: olatunjispeaks@gmail.com

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend': This is the proof that you will overcomeyour challenges #SundayPie

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend'



This piece was suppose to feature yesterday (Sunday) but my internet connection didn't allow me (an excuse). Pardon the delay!

A friend recorded a voice note with her sonorous voice and sent to me. In the voice note I picked out the words, ‘anytime I see another breaking of the day; I say Thank you..’ and without wasting time I sent her my reply, ‘Thank You’. I said ‘Thank you’ to her not just because she deemed it fit to send me the voice note but also because that early morning voice note communicated a strong message to me. Life is full of challenges – there’s the wife who has challenges in her home, there’s the student who has challenges with school works, there’s the father who has challenges in providing for his family, there’s the young graduate who has challenges getting a job, there’s the young woman who has challenges starting a business, there’s that young person who has challenges keeping a relationship for more than six months, there’s you who has challenges raising the money needed for a project, there is the pastor who has challenges increasing the number of his congregation, there’s someone who has challenges dating the wrong people, there’s someone who has challenges with finding the woman of his dreams – we all have our challenges, some more than each other but every time you see another breaking of the day, I want you to remember that it is only a matter of time before your challenges become a thing of the past.

Every day you wake up from your mat is an indication that you have the capacity to sleep on a bed someday. The only person without hope is a dead man. As long as you are still alive and well you can still achieve great things in your life. The next time you wake up in the morning and all the challenges of your life rush to your mind, look at where you woke up, look up to your creator and say to yourself, “this situation is only temporary; it’s just a matter of time’.

So what exactly are the challenges you are facing in life? If you didn’t have breath would you be facing those challenges? Challenges of life are a proof that you are still living. If you live on earth without having challenges your life is as good as dead. The challenges in your life are signals that you are living and not dead. As long as you have life it is not over yet for you.

Go out there and face your challenges heads on! You will have a testimony today.

WHIZKID: Meet the 9-year-old girl who passed her WAEC exams (PICTURED)

by Akan Ido

Nine year old Anjola Victoria Batoku is not your regular girl trying to fit in with her peers; this brilliant student in fact has her sights set far higher than her mates. Batoku recently made news when she sat for, and passed the November/December 2013 West African Examination Council (WAEC) papers where she attempted English and French Language, a feat which is nothing but remarkable. She is the 9-year-old girl who passed her WAEC exams.

In this interview with the Sun Newspapers, Batoku gives reasons why she attempted the exams, her love for learning, and the tole of her parents in helping her achieve such feat.

Read excerpts of the interview below:

I am aware you wrote last GCE exams. What was your experience during the period?
I studied a lot during the period of the exam. I even had to study books that were for SS3 students. I also studied the oldest past questions of the GCE examination that I could lay my hands on because the older the questions, the harder they are.

How did you register for GCE considering your tender age?
I burst into tears when the computer rejected me as being too young to register for GCE.  I had to increase my age by five years before I could register for the exam.

What was the impression of other candidates at the exam centre?
No one believed that I was a candidate let alone give me the opportunity to write the exam; not even the examiners allowed me into the exam hall until I passed the biometric test. Some candidates were mocking me, others called me names “over-ambitious girl, wait for your time”.

What was your Exam registration number?
My Exam number was 5250802098

How old were you when you registered for the exam?
I was eight years old when I was preparing for the exam. I was eight when I wrote the French Oral exam then I clocked 9 before I wrote the English exam.

GCE is a tough examination for a child of your age. Was it very easy or very hard?
It was actually easy but the difficult part of the English exam was the summary aspect.

What were your grades in the exams?
I registered for seven papers but only wrote two, English and French because I readily had teachers in those two subjects, dad and mum. I made C5 in French Language and C6 in English Language.

Did your school participate in grooming you for the examination?
My school was not aware I was writing the exam. But what I learnt from school also played a part, so in a way, my school participated.
Even my parents got to know about my registration for the exam after my brothers helped me complete the process. My parents who are both Lawyers felt it was a daring joke considering my age but decided to groom me for the exam. The had degrees in English and French respectively before reading Law.

How old are your brothers?
They are 17 and 14.

What do you think will encourage you to do better?
If I get a scholarship into a good secondary school, it will encourage me greatly to excel because I will feel fulfilled to have stepped into my mother’s shoes. My mum won a scholarship when she was my age. I am currently preparing for entrance exam into secondary school and will so love to follow my mother’s footsteps.

Why did you write only English and French?
I wrote only English and French because by the time I made up my mind to register for the exams, time was not on my side. I had teachers in those two subjects only: mum and dad.

Do you speak so much French? How did you make C5 in French?
I don’t speak much French but my dad does. He had first and second degrees in French before reading Law. I am the former Miss French of my school. Every year, my school organises a French day and “Miss French” and “Master French” pageant is the main event for the day. I am always involved in any French related activity in my school. I am the current Head Girl of the school.

Was French easier than English? Why did you perform better in French than English?
French was not easier than English, but interestingly, I had more confidence than ability in French and the reverse was the case in English. I love French. I am an active member of French Club in my school. Daddy always told me Paris is a beautiful city. I heard of the famous French proverb “See Paris and die” and I wish to see it one day.

Did you receive special lessons in preparation for the exam?
Yes I did, in a way my dad who is a bilingual lawyer and a former French teacher was my French teacher and my mum who is a Chief Magistrate was my English teacher.

How did you feel when you passed the examination?
I felt very happy when I passed the exam but I was a bit disappointed by the result because I expected B2 or B3 in English Language.

Which secondary school do you wish to attend?
Any good secondary school will do. I am currently preparing hard for entrance exam into the Lagoon Secondary School or Atlantic hall, School, Lagos. I may try Entrance Exams into some other secondary schools.

Do you have a social life?
Yes I have a social life. I love dancing. I win best dancer’s competition at most birthday parties and social functions.

How do you relax?
I play games on my dad’s ipad. I relax by watching television or swimming. I also enjoy reading storybooks and science encyclopeadia.

What do you want to become in future?
My dream is to be a medical doctor in the future, if possible be the youngest medical doctor in the history of Nigeria.

What do you think of the age limit of candidates in GCE exam?
I think limiting the minimum age of writing GCE to 13 is unfair to our youth. I think it is a barrier for young people who want to try their luck because we hear of people abroad who are admitted into university at age 9.  I appeal to concerned authorities to look into possible change of the age limit of GCE candidates to allow the country break or set new world records.

If I am willing to write GCE at age 9 why can’t I be allowed to try my luck? After all, GCE is a private examination, not a school based exam.
Recently, a 10 year old Nigerian passed Microsoft Professional Exams.
If the youngest medical doctor in the world is 17 at what age did she write GCE to qualify at 17?

The youngest professor ever (Alia Sabur) became a professor at the age of 18. She became an undergraduate at age of 10. She got her first degree at 14 from New York State University.

How soon are we expecting Anjola to try the complete subject?
I hope to pass Entrance Exams into Secondary School. I am working hard towards it. I will continue reading and preparing because I may write GCE again when I am 13 years old, when I attain the official age for writing GCE.

What message do you have for children of your age?
I advise children of my age to cultivate the reading culture and be ready to learn and show seriousness in their studies because having the right attitude is better than hard work and knowledge. When there is a will, there is a way.

We don’t know how she did it but she did it….parents
Little Anjola’s father Mr. Desire Olufunmi Batoku, who could not hold back his excitement, said he cannot explain how she did it. “I could vividly remember the day she rushed to us and said that she had registered for GCE. I know that she is daring but never knew that it will take her to that length.

“It was then I got to know from his brothers that they had actually registered her and did the biometrics. Just to encourage her, we advised her to seat for just two subjects, English and French. Reason been that I studied French in school and her mother who is a chief magistrate studied English as her first degree and could help her to go through past question papers.

“Surprisingly, she hardly comes to us to help her but rather prefers to read on her own during her spare time. Since it wasn’t meant to gain admission, we did not put pressure rather helped her whenever she pops in with questions.”

What have they done that could have made her to standout in her academic, Batoku who runs a Bilingual Lawville chambers in Lagos said: “I guess one of the reasons was because she was fed with only breast milk for 5months. Another factor could be that of the time we dedicated in putting her through her education at a tender age.

She is exceptionally brilliant and her school can attest to that.  If she scores 58 out of 60, she will tell you that she has bad news. She loves to be challenged and has excelled so far. But this breakthrough is another chapter in what I never knew she could do at a tender age.”

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend': I thought this was all going to be rosy …now I know better

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend'



On the first of January 2014 I started a series I tagged #Jan1st-Jan5thSeries on OLATUNJISPEAKS.com, it was suppose to end that day (Jan 5th) and I was suppose to resume my weekly column which we called #MondayInspiration but as fate would have it, I got inspired by some books, people and inner witness I came in contact with at that time and I challenged myself to write one article per day through the year 2014. That plan has been going very well until now; today I wished I didn’t announce publicly that I was going to write a piece everyday – I know people who don’t wait for my update on BBM or even wait for the mail to be delivered to their emails before they visit the site daily and now I have to keep up with this for the whole of 2014.

I thought this was all going to be rosy… now I know better. Today is a typical example of how challenges will come at our visions and dreams in life, how things will not go according to plan and how we will wish we never dared to dream big in the first place but I need to remind you that everything may not go as smooth as you have envisaged. Challenges will come but those who are serious about greatness will turn challenges into a stepping stone just as I am doing now. Those who intend making greatness their first name few months from now will expect the ‘unrosyness’ and will still make things happen.

You must have it at the back of your mind that your plans will not be as rosy as you may have planned but if you want it enough, you can make it happen. It is time for you to have a list of DAILY NONNEGOTIABLE TO-DO list. You must have between two to five things that you must do every day for the next one year; ensure to add the things that matters most to you. As for me, my list include, writing one piece daily, reading 2 chapters of the bible daily, listening to one message/speech daily, and reading at least one chapter of a book daily; everything else I want to do in a day is what I call ‘others’ – these daily nonnegotiable to-do list is more important to me more than the ‘others’ because those things are the essence of my being – create your own and by doing so you will find a strategy to always make your dreams work as you will be working on them daily.

See you tomorrow!





I am Gabriel Olatunji ‘Legend’ and I am committed to inspiring you to greatness. Follow on Twitter: @OLATUNJISPEAKS | Email: olatunjispeaks@gmail.com

The money I make from Glo and Diamond Bank is better than brandambassadorship - Bovi tells it all on TheLeak [Video]

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend'



Nigeria’s leading Success website, SoarNaija.com is thrilled to announc e the launch of its ingenious video segment – theLeak.

theLeak is an innovative, engaging and enriching vlog series where carefully selected achievers recount and reveal the true stories
behind their successes.

Since its debut in 2009, SoarNaija.com has been at the forefront of sharing empowering content, success secrets and latest opportunities to its teeming readers spread across several African countries, with overwhelming feedbacks of transformed lives.

“Just anyone can succeed if he cares to know and do what it takes because the secrets of great men are in their stories,” said Isaac
Oladipupo, founder of the website. “Leveraging the internet, our focus is to increase the number of empowered young Africans above the weaklings so as to restore greatness in our continent.”

Below are links to the first series of theLeak where ace comedian Bovi Ugboma reveals everything previously unknown about his alliance with Basketmouth, endorsement deals, future plans, meeting his wife and much more.

The money I make from Glo and Diamond Bank is better than brand ambassadorship - Bovi tells it all on TheLeak [Video]

Part One

http://youtu.be/DSNU6pp7k2I

Part Two

http://youtu.be/vUYal32_6PQ

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend': Instead of grumbling and complaining; here'san alternative

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend' Don’t be an ingrate! Someone said you may not have everything you want but God is the reason why you have not lost everything you have. I know that society expectations and pressure forces us to forget the things that are working in our lives and we tend to give in to grumbling, believing that things are not working as they should. That is not the best route to take – you need to be grateful for what you have. Instead of grumbling and complaining; here's an alternative. I was surfing the internet yesterday when I saw the picture of a man in Thailand whose whole body was covered with tumor, the tumor was like thick boils and it covered every part of his body, to the extent of blocking his nose and eyes; as a result, he can no longer see properly. What was his story? He had a single tumor some six months ago and the doctors advised him to remove it, he agreed and removed it. Six months after, the tumor began coming back in different sizes and shapes till they covered his whole body – the picture was so bad that I almost puked on my laptop. When I think about this man, I realize that his dream is not to own a car, a house, a wife, a business or even become successful; he would simply love to get well and be good. Many of us are hale and hearty; we have no boil, no fever, no headache and we complain everyday about our present condition – it is because you are healthy that’s why you remember that your living condition is not befitting. Try to take a stroll into Yaba (left side) or General Hospital and you will discover that as much as there are still many things you desire in life that you don’t have yet, there are still many things to be thankful and grateful for. It is time for you to look beyond your present challenges. I understand how you feel and I also desire that all your needs are met. I know that you are getting old and you need a wife or a husband, I know that your friends are buying cars and you are still living with a friend, I know that you want o start that business but things are looking hard, I know that the babe you desire most in the world is giving you a very hard time, I know that you want success and some also want greatness – I know because we all want these things but don’t let what you don’t have stop you from being grateful for all that you have. Take a moment to say thank you to your creator today, for all that you have; take a moment to look around your life and take note of people with worse situations than you are in. Take another moment to observe the things that are working in your life and if you can, type a deep grateful message and post to your Facebook account, Twitter account, LinkedIN account; post in the Facebook comment segment below, BBM status or broadcast it – tell somebody else the need to be grateful. As you do these, I believe light will shine in your heart and strategic ideas to move from your present level to a higher one will begin to come to your mind.

See you tomorrow!



I am Gabriel Olatunji ‘Legend’ and I am committed to inspiring you to greatness. Follow on Twitter: @OLATUNJISPEAKS | Email: olatunjispeaks@gmail.com

Gabriel Olatunji 'Legend': I heard a voice saying, “You have read otherpeople; it is time for people to read you”

Gabriel Olatunji



Several years ago, I was lying down on the couch of my mentor, thinking about my life, complaining and grumbling about my present condition. I had a bad experience that day and sadness had enveloped me like ant envelopes sugar. I asked myself if this was how I would continue to live my life, if this was how I was going to end up in life, if I will ever amount to anything great in life, if I would ever be able to influence people positively and wondering if I will ever be able to author a book like my mentor. This incident happened over 7 years ago, and as I kept grumbling to myself in the dark I heard a voice say to me, ‘you will become a publisher, and you will publish truths that sets free’ – this sentence invariably means “You have read other people; it is time for people to read you”.

Light came to my face, I was excited, sadness was gone and joy had enveloped my heart. Although still on the couch but I was dancing and jumping in my heart; I had found purpose, I had found a calling and I had found an assurance that my life was not just a waste of time. It took me a while before I fully understood the import of that statement but this morning as I thought about what to write today and I decided to surf the internet, read broadcasts of people, read tweets, read blogs, articles, bible, listen to a message, read facebook posts (I have done all of these this morning) – a very gentle nudge came to me with the title of this piece, “You have read other people; it is time for people to read you”.

This is my message to you this morning, you have watched other people dance; it is time for people to watch you dance. You have heard other people all your life; it is time for people to hear what you have to say. You have screamed and cheered for celebrities; it is time for you to make people scream and cheer for you. You have been at the receiving end in life; it is time for you to move on to the giving end. It is time for you to step up your game and change the tide. You can no longer afford to be a spectator – it is time for spectators to pay to watch you do your thing.

However, you cannot give what you don’t have. It is impossible for people to part with their hard earned money to watch you when you have nothing to offer. If you don’t stage a tournament, don’t expect an audience. If you don’t dance well don’t expect applause. If you don’t impact destinies don’t expect a standing ovation. If you do not catch fire don’t expect people to gather to watch you burn. If you do not give something to your world, the world will take what you have in exchange for what they give to you.

You must develop yourself and make up your mind that in 2014 you will not only watch people do things, people will watch you do great things.

See you tomorrow!



I am Gabriel Olatunji ‘Legend’ and I am committed to 'inspiring you to greatness'. Follow on Twitter: @OLATUNJISPEAKS | Email: olatunjispeaks@gmail.com

Lara Kudayisi: Who will marry a single mother? I was viewed as wayward,one who has a child to show for it

A baby brings with it joy and excitement to its parents, loved ones and the world at large. However at other times, when unplanned for and unexpected, it brings with it uncertainties and depression. It alters the plans, ambitions and purposes of either parents or most especially the mother’s. It makes such a parent want to rewind and wish so many times that it never happened. The regret of having unprotected sex and even being so careless to allow that baby grow unexpectedly becomes very unbearable. There are so many times you wished you lost the pregnancy, so many times you wished the ultrasound scan reveals the child is dead; after all, it most likely resets you to before baby state. Single!

Who will marry a single parent? If you are a single father, it might be easier but for a single mother, you are labelled for life and might have difficulties in getting married to a guy who had never had a child or married. You are viewed as wayward, one who has lost her way and has a child to show for it. Unknown to many, if you were that wayward, you would be smart enough to prevent that baby from coming unexpectedly. This is my story; this is my burden, my cross and my crusade. This changed my life forever and how I suffered and went through so much pain searching and longing for love in the wrong places and with the wrong people. Whew! It wasn’t easy but I found happiness, I found joy and peace and I want to help someone do the same.

Rules for Single Parents

1) Declare your assets: Do not go into a relationship with anyone without declaring your asset, which in this case is your child. This could cause a heartbreak and disappointment from the other person. Tell them from the start about your child, let them calculate if they can marry you or not. Not everyone can marry a single parent and please do not hate them for this. It’s a huge task and responsibility that not everyone can handle. I made this blunder a lot times thinking I wanted the guy to love me for me without any encumbrance then later, I could tell him the greatest secret of my life. Of course, this usually signaled the end of that relationship and it left me wiser.

2) Love is not enough: This may be true for most relationships but this is a standard rule for a single parent. You can’t just fall in love like others; you have to calculate your cost more. Your relationship should go beyond love; find out if this person can tolerate your child and even be a parent for him/her. I am not saying you marry or date someone who you have no feelings for, but do not marry that person solely for love. Marry them when you can see a future which your child would be mostly comfortable.

3) Be slow to introduce your child: Though meeting your child can help solidify your relationship with your spouse especially when there is an affinity between both of them. However, it’s safer not to introduce your child officially to this person for the sanity of that child. Having introduced so many uncles and aunties to your child, s/he might get disappointed if some hopes and love have been around that person and then, a break up. Please be sure that relationship is heading somewhere serious before you expose that child to the world.

4) Gun for total acceptance: Please make sure your spouse accepts that child totally. This could be hard but it’s in the best interest of your child. S/he never begged to come to this world, so do not make them suffer for your mistakes. Marry someone who will accept your child totally without segregating him/her from the other children you have together. If possible, let your child live with you because that child needs a balanced home to grow up in; not live with some old relatives or in a faraway boarding school. Also, know that no one can take care of your child like you can hence the need for him/her to live with you.

5) Always put your child first: Before making the decision to go on a date or be in a relationship with someone, always put your child first. Will this decision favour him/her? Will it hurt him/her? Especially when you eventually want to settle down with that person, please consider your child in all of it. Will this person make a good mother or father for them?

6) Be a good role model: Be a good role model for your child in everything you do. I know being a parent happened to you unexpectedly and you still have to live your life, but please know that you are now the number one mentor for that child. You are mentoring him/her unconsciously in everything you do, so please choose wisely what you do in their presence. Make sure your spouse will make a good role model for the child.

Never forget to live your life to the fullest, always remember that your child is God’s gift and a help to you in years to come and give him/her the best treatment you can. You deserve the best, do not settle for less.



Written by Lara Kudayisi-Emerald! Check out her blog, www.shatteredglassng.com

This piece is published with the permission of Lara Kudayisi-Emeralds. Follow Lara on Twitter: @LaraKudayisi