It’s ridiculous how often you see articles titled “100 Sex Tips That Will Drive Him Wild.” Most are so dumb, you feel dumber for having read them. Think about it, it’s not really that hard to please a guy, is it?
Here’s what these so-called experts aren’t telling you: with adventurous sex that makes you seem like a seasoned pro, he will “hit it and quit it.” Why? Because the sex feels ‘ordinary’.
Let’s say, hypothetically, that you followed all 100 Sex Tips suggestions. You busted out with the edible lingerie, the bedroom acrobatics, the handcuffs on his legs and hands and you go on all fours with a sexy costume and barked like a dog. The million-dollar question is: why doesn’t it lead to long-term?
Obviously, his objective at first is to jump into bed, your objective is to preserve the possibility of long term and take the long view. And that means there is no need to ride all the rides at Disneyland on your very first visit to the park.
Since no guy hands the playbook over to a woman he’s trying to seduce, I decided to fly below radar and find out the scandalous tricks men use to heat things up.
His Playbook: His first objective is to get past your front door. At the end of the night, he may ask, “Can I use your bathroom?”
Your Playbook: Let him. Then wait with your jacket and shoes on. Don’t even take off one layer of clothing, not even your scarf or hat.
His Playbook: He may do a few tequila/brandy shots and then say, “I’m too drunk to drive, can I sleep on your couch?”
Your Playbook: He’s hoping you will say, “I’m not going to let you sleep on the couch, you can sleep in my bed, but only if you behave.” Instead, bring out the strongest coffee you have, give him to drink and call him a cab. Make sure he doesn’t get past the kitchen.
His Playbook: He may take the platonic approach: “Go change. Get comfortable. Pretend I’m not even here and do what you ordinarily do if you were by yourself.”
Your Playbook: His first observation after you change will be, “Damn. She’s not wearing a bra or underwear.” Then he will say, “Come lie down on the couch. Get a blanket and let’s watch TV.”
His Playbook: Last but not the least, is the cuddle trick: I’ll stay the night and we’ll just cuddle as friends. I promise to leave my underwear on. Scout honor.” Then the story changes: “This underwear is way too constricting. It’s itching me. I have to take them off. I hate when this happens…. do you mind?”
Your Playbook: (Game over) fast forward ten minutes later, “I need to put it in just for a second. I want to know what it feels like to be inside you. We don’t have to make love, just the tip…I promise. And the next thing you know, he’s riding you like a pony.
The nice girls often give in too early and then try to do damage control. “I’ve never done it before. I don’t usually do this with someone I barely know.” When men hear this, they assume the opposite. They call it “The Anti-slut Defence.”
Whenever you hear the word ‘don’t worry’ or ‘trust me’, be afraid…..be very afraid. That’s what the wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood. You should believe everything he says if you still believe in Santa Claus. Whenever a man says, “Don’t worry, I promise to be a gentleman,” what he’s saying is “I can’t be trusted.” If truly he’s a gentleman, he doesn’t need to announce it.
The way to weed out the contenders from the pretenders is to assess their attitude about waiting for sex. If he likes you, he will be happy just being in your company.
REJOINDERS ARE WELCOMED.
Opeyemi Egbemode is a graduate of Theatre Arts from Lagos State University (LASU) and currently works with a top PR firm in Lagos. You can follow her on twitter: @pretty_tessy
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