Let me begin with this:”When something bad happens to you; you either let it define you, destroy you or let it strengthen you “~ anonymous
Initially in life after passing through a terrible heartbreak, I began to wonder why 'a church girl' like me would have attracted such a 'heartbreaker'. But then as I 'grow' up I got to understand that at times we do not have the power to choose the mess we go through in life because they are indications on the message our life has been designed to heal the world with.
Today as I sit to counsel singles and married on relationship, I feel so fulfilled to see great relationships restored, broken hearts healed and chains getting broken. I usually tap into my experiences and God's insights to reach out to hurting souls and because I have been emotionally abused before, I know how the pain hurts and how important healing is to a hurting heart.
I went through emotional trauma and have survived falling into depression many times. One of the best things that can happen to you in life is to learn to love yourself. Love yourself enough to be the best YOU. Love YOU wholly, fully and unconditionally; only then are you empowered to love someone else the way they deserve to be loved. I love the scriptures that says “Love your neighbour as yourself" but a lot of people love their neighbours but forget to love themselves.
Love your shape, colour, height and body. This is so critical to avoid having inferiority complex. How you see yourself matters. If you have a problem with how you see yourself, you will always wait for people's approval of you to feel good. You are phenomenal the way you are. I strongly advocate for character development but oppose people feeling bad about the creature they are.
If you are dating someone who wants you to be like Mr. A or Miss B, you better watch it; you may be compelled to live a fake life trying to be him/her while losing the original YOU. You are original, a designer's make, don't settle for limitation by imitating someone else. Live your life so great that others will want to emulate and be like YOU.
If your date is immature, he/she will treat you with immaturity. Age isn't maturity; he/she may be above 30 and may not be ready to handle emotional or relationship issue. That was the case of the young man I dated in my early 20's. He would wake up one day singing my praises and be grateful to God for giving him such treasure like me as his babe. Few weeks later, he would start saying he doesn't think he is good enough for me and thus, he ends the relationship. He has a way of coming back to his senses days or weeks later to come and beg me to forgive him and accept him back. Going by my love for him, I will forgive and allow our relationship to continue. This attitude repeated itself over and over again as he would find reason to doubt our compatibility and ask we end the relationship only for him to regret his action later and come back as usual to beg.
Not only did he do this, he was so possessive of me that he couldn't stand other guys being my friends. He doubted every closeness of any guy to me including his own friends. The more he did this, the more my heart broke. A lot of time we stay in a relationship that does not add to us but subtracts from us all because we are scared of what people will say if we dare to end of our relationship. We do not remember that whether something good or bad happens to us people will always talk. We must learn to live our lives irrespective of people's opinions. Learn to live your life to make God and YOU happy. Your happiness matters a lot because you need it to survive and fulfil purpose.
It got to a time in the relationship that I said enough is enough. I determined there and then that I wouldn't allow that guy make a mess of my emotions anymore. I decided to take charge of my life. I had an encounter with Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life and that changed my story. Rick shared on Forgiveness and Letting Go on a particular page in the book. He made me understand that we need to forgive anyone that offends us or that keeps breaking our heart. He however pointed out that we must be matured enough to let them go if all they know how to do best is to keep breaking our precious heart. I got to know that there is a big difference between forgiveness and letting go. That I let go of him finally does not mean I do not forgive him but that I have grown up to know that he is not mature enough to handle my heart and emotions.
That nailed it. The guy came as usual to beg his way into my life but he didn't know that I have changed. He pleaded and called in my relatives who seem to like him to come plead on his behalf but I was determined not to go back to a life of emotional abuse.
I took my time and explained what I knew about letting go without resentment. He saw a new me, I had moved on. A lot of us have refused to move on from the shackles of abuse that hold us captive. Here's a clarion call dear, enough of limiting yourself in the captive of unhappiness, oppression and depression; break that chain now. Determine to be strong despite your scars, you are a star, refuse to be trampled under feet. Someone's healing is attached to your victory story, match to victory and refuse to allow your current situation make a mess of you. You are next in line to be celebrated.
Grace Festus is a Chartered Accountant turned Relationship Coach. She blogs regularly on Relationship Virtues via www.embodimentofgrace.com .Her blog won the Best Relationship Blog for Nigerian Blog Awards 2013 (Judges Choice). She hosts #WhenSinglesGather on Twitter and Healthy Relationships on PraiseWorld radio. Follow her on Twitter: @Grace_Festus
(Young Voices is a quarterly 15 days campaign on this blog where 15 notable young role models will share their story – today is the second day in the first season of #YoungVoices. It continues tomorrow with another inspiring young role model)
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