There was a time in my life that I felt men were all the same just because I went through the same pattern over and over again with different guys in a row. I mean we met, went on a couple of dates, he asked me out, I accepted and before you knew it, we got into a relationship and I would begin to hope for marriage; thinking I have met my prince charming. However in a matter of months, things would fall apart and before I could say Jack Robinson, a painful break-up. I would mourn that relationship for another 2-3 months, and then meet another cute guy, get fired up again and before I knew it, I would experience same pattern all over again and the result is another painful heart break experience.
At a point, I felt something was wrong with me spiritually; maybe my family’s witches have caught up with me and at another time, I concluded that all men are liars, in fact they are dogs. It was so easy to reach the latter especially when my other girlfriends seemed to share my point of view. Until I sat down one day to analyze the problem and found out that I kept dating the same set of guys. This was such a huge shock to me and I decided to break this deadly pattern in my life. Of course I did and I also want to help someone do the same.
1)Quit looking in the wrong places: I went to different places in search of Mr. Right. I went to clubs; put my number and details on the radio. The problem with this was, I wanted a guy who doesn’t drink, smoke or womanize yet I dated people I met in a club thinking they would change with time and of course they never did. Ironically, many guys will never want to marry a girl from the club, they just want to have fun and move on. Also, the ones I met on the radio were not any different. They were fun seekers and want no serious commitment and even if they were serious, I ended up not being their type because we met on the radio. I expected a fantasy which I never got, and always cry wolf anytime they break up with me.
2)Stop looking for the wrong things: I had a specification of what I was looking for; I guess we all do. Then, mine was a tall dark handsome (TDH) dude with a good job and a car. Since I had a bank job and a car, I felt the guy must also have a car because I couldn’t be driving my boyfriend around town. This was a very shallow thinking because most of them were not even ready for what I wanted. It was either they were already engaged or they were looking for finer and tusher chicks than me. Until, you stop basing your life-long decision on looks and material things, you will still keep following that same pattern.
3)Do not date an unavailable person: Some people fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship with another. Some love men and women who are married and are glad to be the second fiddle because they claim love is blind! Love my dear, is never blind! Like some people will say, if love is blind, marriage will open your eyes. Irrespective of the current benefits, don’t ever date someone who is attached to another, this reduces your self-worth. You can be that person’s friend but don’t wait around; you might end up waiting forever. Whenever you get attracted to a person who is in a relationship, try to kill the attraction and move on with your life. If at some point, he/she is unattached and fate brings you together again, then you can be a couple.
4)Do not be desperate: Girls aren’t the only desperate ones, I know some desperate guys too. I like this saying that says ‘don’t shop for food when you are hungry’. When you are desperate to be married, you date anyone without thoroughly checking through and then you get dumped all over again. Age should not be the reason why you date just anyone because age will not be able to keep you together when things go wrong. Do not let society push you into what would be a lasting sorrow. If you are late already, then you should also be sure to get it right.
5)Learn from your break up: After you break up, stop hating and learn the lesson. Many people break up and don’t learn any lessons from it because they spend their whole time blaming and hating the other person; thereby falling into the next trap. After a break up, you should sit down and analyze what went wrong. You can forget what hurt you in the past but never forget what it teaches you.
From a heart yearning to help, I dare to say that it’s time to break the pattern. No one does the same thing in the same way over and over again and expects to get a different result. BREAK THAT LOVE PATTERN!!!
Source: ShatteredGlassNG
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