So there was this babe I had always known but we weren’t so close. I could tell from every meeting with her that she liked me. I had often asked myself why she did like me but I wasn't able to find an answer to the question. After a while, we were on talking terms and she would call me ‘sweetheart’ and as a gentleman, I would retaliate with the same word or take it a little higher by calling her ‘sugar’ or ‘honey’ – it’s just a little flirting; don’t we all do that sometimes? Forgive me if I'm wrong.
I liked this babe too but the truth is, I didn’t see her as my own 'Mrs'; she wasn’t the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. To many people, that shouldn’t have been a problem at all; I was supposed to just play along, then ‘chop and clean’ mouth but I grew up believing that wasn’t fair on ladies and I wasn’t ready to be part of the 'movement'. So there was this day I saw her going home from work and she said, ‘Good Night’ while she shook my hand. I didn’t know the spirit that came over me that day; I didn’t understand why I said what I said but I remember saying to her ‘Is that how you will greet your sweetheart Good Night?’ She came back to give me a hug and to my amazement, a kiss... ON THE LIPS! Wow! Are you serious? That felt good but I also felt very bad after she left. What am I doing? Why did I say that? Why did I allow this to happen? I wasn’t particularly sad about what happened that day but at how I would be dealing with the situation from that time on.
As a result of the 'free kiss', I thought about this babe and I was drawn more to her; I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help it at the time. She came visiting once but there were too many people around. We had less than five minutes alone with ourselves and as though we were both waiting for the opportunity, we kissed again. This time, it was longer, sweeter, passionate and beautiful. Chai! I am officially a bad boy. We heard footsteps down the hall and we separated. As she made to leave, she invited me to her home and without hesitation I accepted the invitation but as she left, I became sober and began to condemn myself. I felt I had taken advantage of her, I shouldn’t have let this whole thing happen in the first place. I couldn’t afford a visit to her home; how would I be able to control myself? Sex, which I dread the most will definitely happen – I have to find a way to decline this invitation.
She called me that night to tell me how she enjoyed every minute spent with me and of course, I replied with the same kind of words. I didn’t want to hurt her or make her feel bad but I was looking forward to sitting down with her and discussing the situation we found ourselves. I realized from our discussions and the answers she gave to some of the questions I asked her that she understood perfectly that we were not in a relationship; we were only sexually attracted to each other. Wow! This was a new understanding of man and woman relationship for me – I had always thought you should be sexually attracted to the woman you intend to marry. It happened that I had been living in a different world. There is now what we call friends with benefits. Am I ready for this? How can I stop this if I am not ready for it? I must confess to you that the thought of having a woman who believed she was not in a relationship with you and yet ready to go physical with you sounded like a very good idea to me; the problem was my ‘faith’. My belief of that is 'fornication' and as much as it was enjoyable I wanted it to end.
I reluctantly visited her at home that fateful day. She made me one of my favorite meals but I told her I was filled. We disagreed over the matter until I had to take some. I actually found her cooking delicious. Then she told me she was going to have her bath. Right where we were sitted together, she removed everything on her while using a towel to cover her body. 'This is the temptation of the highest order', I muttered to myself. I focused on the movie I was seeing on the laptop. She made her way into the bathroom but by the time she was out of the bathroom the ‘Spirit’ had excused us and the flesh was in full manifestation. I stood up to hold her. She was shy, she would be totally naked but I didn’t care. In a matter of seconds, our lips were locked together and we kissed voraciously as a lion starved of food deals with a prey. Kiss was definitely not the only thing we did but I will leave that to your imagination before we corrupt this blog, lol.
The problem was that, I couldn’t go all the way. I wanted her, I liked her, she was pretty, she was a good woman but she wasn’t the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She still adores me till tomorrow and sometimes I ask myself, 'Why can’t I even marry her'- I just don’t see her in that capacity. This is the story of the day I almost had sex, and after the whole scenario, I told myself that if I was sure I didn’t want a thing like that then I shouldn’t start it in the first place. I wish I followed this lesson because what happened at another time is something you don’t want to hear… Maybe I will share it next week.
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